Author: Frank

In Your Anger, Do Not Sin

Frank

The title is from Ephesians 4:26 and continues, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph 4:26-27)

I decided to make Father’s Day a theme and I wanted to talk a little about a common sin as a father, anger. If you’re a dad, I’m sure you can relate. You come home from work, you just want to relax, and you come home to your child’s messy room. Depending on their age, either they want to jump all over you or they ignore you altogether. Your child who is a “reward from [God]” (Ps 127:3ff) is not the source of joy he or she should be but is instead a source of frustration. You want to be a good father so you hide your frustration- you either stuff it or let loose on something else (video games, sports, the weights at the gym). But you never really deal with it and that frustration grows and grows until it spills over. I don’t know what form that will take for you, but I fear of the form it will take for me. By not dealing with it, I’m “giving the devil a foothold” and he’s just waiting to take advantage of it.

So what do we do? We need to talk about it; share it with a brother in Christ, and calmly confront the source of frustration. Either it’s something that can be addressed, or it’s something not worth the emotional cost. Remember, you’re the leader of your family. Leader, not manager. What’s the difference? Leaders are proactive; they set the course. Managers are reactive and deal with things as they come.

Chip Ingram spent the last couple of weeks on this subject and his lessons are worth a listen. Admittedly, the series promotes his most recent book, Overcoming Emotions that Destroy. But if nothing else, listen to the last two broadcasts of this series, and evaluate how you deal with anger.

Speaking of books, I also need to give a shout out to Susan Titus Osborn (one of the panelists at the AV Writer’s Conference I attended last month) who wrote Wounded by Words: Healing the Invisible Scars of Emotional Abuse. The sad truth is, often our anger and frustration shows itself in our words. James compares our tongues to the rudder of a ship or the bit in a horse’s mouth in describing the influence our words have. He goes on to write, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.” (Js 3:9-10) We need to recognize the damage our anger and our words are capable of.

I’m reminded of this parable: A young man struggles with temper tantrums and his parents are at their wits end trying to curb his anger. So the dad comes up with an idea. He gives his son a hammer and a bag of nails. He tells him, “every time you get angry, pound a nail into that old wood fence out back.” After some time, and several nails, the son stops having angry outbursts. He’s simply tired of pounding nails. “Good,” his father tells him, “now go and remove all those nails from my fence.” The son does as he’s told and returns to ask his dad what the point was. “See all the holes that are now in my fence?” the father asks. “You can take out all the nails, but the damage is already done. So it is with your anger. You can take back all the words, but you can’t take back the hurt you caused.”

Buy These Instead! (A Father’s Day Buying Guide)

Frank

Last time, I brought up the tabloid-esque books that we shamelessly flock to buy because the author or subject calls themselves a Christian. Instead I encourage you to read books that edify your soul and build up the Body of Christ.

With Father’s Day now just a week away, I figure I’d provide a gift list for the dads amongst us.

For the secular sports or music fan, I recommend these that I have yet to read but are high on my list:

Songs for My Fathers. I read an excerpt in an in-flight magazine and have wanted to pick this up ever since.

I gave A Son of the Game to someone as a gift when it first came out, hooked by the description on the jacket.

Not necessarily secular like the others, but doesn’t fit in with the rest of my list. Raising Dad hooked me just from the cover.

As for spiritual books that I have read that I cannot recommend enough, I start with The Measure of a Man by Gene Getz. This was one of the first books I read after I became a disciple of Christ and I still turn to it frequently today.

Another book from my “formative years” is Mighty Man of God that keys in on David and his Mighty Men.

Finally I book I cannot recommend more highly is Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. Like Measure of a Man, this is a book that I turn to frequently.
This is a short list, but one I hope you find helpful. Do your dad, husband, or brother in Christ a favor and spare him the necktie and get him something that will draw him closer to Christ.

Don’t Buy This Book!

Frank

I bet you’d never expect reading that on a blog by an aspiring author. But there are many of us who have no celebrity, no following outside of local (congregation) and virtual (facebook/twitter/blogs) support, who feel a calling from God to use our talents for His glory. Some of us want to write fiction, some inspirational Christian living, and others want to share personal experience to build up and encourage the Body of Christ.

But then there are those who have celebrity, who are the headline of the week, who cash that in to market themselves under the veil of christianity (intentional little ‘c’). For example just a month ago Multiple Blessings by Jon and Kate Gosselin was one of the books of the month at Family Christian. Now, they’re embroiled in scandal with rumors of infidelity, questions about the sincerity of their parenthood, and the authenticity of their television show. They cashed in on their celebrity and sadly, their children. (More of what I think about that last subject here) And predictably, the christian consumer buys it hook, line, and sinker.

Now former Miss California Carrie Prejean is looking to cash in as well. The current poster-child of christian persecution wants to write a book about her experiences as Miss California. She wants people to “know the truth about what’s going on and what has gone on through all of this.” What truth would that be? The breast implants? The lingerie modeling? The throwing your sister under the bus? The sudden embracing of Jesus once the cameras stopped rolling and the controversy began?

Please, please, please I beg you do not buy this book! Instead of reading a book that’s no better than tabloid gossip, pick up something that will edify your soul and draw you closer to Christ. I’ll be back later with recommendations…

The Flight of the Navigator

Frank

“Aviation in itself is not inherently dangerous. But to an even greater degree than the sea, it is terribly unforgiving of carelessness, incapacity, or neglect. ” -Anonymous

I first read the above quote in one of the many articles I’ve read on the Air France disaster. Sadly, this event reminds us just how unforgiving flying can be. Yesterday, airlines replaced the speed sensors suspected to have been the cause of the accident even though the “black box” hasn’t been found and there’s limited information from data sent from the plane prior to its crash. These are experts in aviation however, who have reached this conclusion. So I trust they know what they’re talking about.

And I can understand, even relate. Imagine you’re the pilot of this plane: you’re flying over the ocean, you can’t see any landmarks and you’re surrounded by blue, above and below. Your sensors then give you conflicting readings of your speed. You’re cruising, not climbing, so you don’t have a physical sense of how fast you really are going. There’s nothing on the ground or on the horizon to relate your speed with. You have no choice but to trust your instruments.

This had to have been extremely difficult for the pilot. I was once handed the controls of a plane and had the pleasure of experiencing aviation beyond the textbook. We were approaching a mountain peak when the guy I was with told me to climb to a certain altitude. I thought the peak was a long ways off, but sure enough, by the time I reached that altitude I could tell the peak was right there. It’s very difficult to judge distance, and therefore speed, from the air.

“Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.” -Martin Luther King

Spiritually, it’s also very difficult to judge not only how fast we’re going but also where we’re going. How do we know we’re doing alright with our relationship with God? How do we know we’re making the right decision when given choices? How do we know we’re honoring God when we seize opportunities and not honoring ourselves? We can’t trust our own instruments. If we do, we’re likely to crash. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jer 17:9)

Thank God we don’t have to rely on our own navigation. He gives us a guide, a navigator. “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'” (Is 30:21) We can trust the Holy Spirit when our instruments fail. I pray that as many as possible on that flight had a navigator they could trust.

My Family, My Ministry

Frank

One common piece of advice from the Writer’s Conference I attended a couple weeks ago was to start small- if you don’t know if you have a full book in you, start with articles and work your way up. If anything, those articles can be compiled into the book you’re planning. It sounded like good advice, especially since the magnitude of a book intimidates the heck out of me. So I dropped by my local Family Christian a week or so ago and picked up some magazines that fit my interest to browse the by-lines of authors and see what I’m up against. Of course, nearly all the freelanced articles were by established authors, and the ones that weren’t were by professors of theology or divinity at some well-known seminary or foundation or led some well-known megachurch. Ok, so now the book is less intimidating that writing an article.

But I’m keeping that option open. At the very least, these magazines fit the theme of what I want to write about and what I write about here, so they’re an additional resource to myself and my ministry.

Oh yeah, my ministry. I’ve posted multiple times about this, and the resulting conviction each time has been the same: I have a ministry. Let’s see, I lead a small group, teach Sunday School to 3rd graders on a rotation, mentor a teen, and I’m president of our board, not to mention maintain this blog which I whole-heartedly consider to be part of my ministry. What more could I possibly add? What each of these have in common, and what ties in with the beginning of this post, is how I approach my ministry. I’m a sponge of information and I take that information through a spiritual filter and pass it on to each of the ministries listed above. That’s what I do and that’s what I’m good at. So at the very least, that’s what I’ll continue to do.

But there’s a ministry I left off from the above list, that Pastor Peter kindly reminded me of, and that’s my family. Regrettably I don’t often consider my family a ministry. Maybe it’s been drilled in my head one too many times not to use my family as an excuse to not participate in another ministry. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, “I can’t serve in ___ because my family has ___.” I do however consider my family to be my primary responsibility, and I’ll gladly sacrifice my participation in any other activity for the sake of my family. In fact, that’s the only reason I have time right now to sit down and type this.

But “responsibility” isn’t the right word. Responsibility comes with obligation, and obligation comes with pressure, and pressure comes with stress. Ministry however, while challenging, should always bring joy. (Of course, if we’re not relying on God, that joy quickly turns to stress.) I’ve been reminded several times lately not to neglect my family as a ministry. First by the great preaching by Chip Ingram at Living on the Edge, who shared lessons on fatherhood last week. I’ve heard these lessons before, but I was reminded of the role of Abraham to his family- that he was both prophet and priest. There weren’t yet any synagogues, the temple was still generations off, even the Levite priests were a couple generations away. So he had to both bring the word of God to his family and intercede to God on their behalf. How much have I shared the word of God with them as eagerly as I’ve written about it online? How often do I get on my knees before God for my family? Most recently I was reminded this morning (thanks Rodney!) when he read this from the 8th Psalm, “From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise” (Ps 8:2ff). How often have I given in to my own stress and frustration as my children are screaming and hollering in the background? How easy I forget that my children are “a reward from Him.” (Ps 127:3b)

But I was also reminded by the magazines I pulled off the shelf and have been reading lately. (See, I was going somewhere with all of this) In both the issues of Discipleship Journal and Relevant, the opening editorials described how each editor was burned out by their personal ministry. Not only did this affect their own relationship with God, but in the case of Cameron Strang, editor of Relevant Magazine, it also affected his family.

So what have I learned from all of this? First, is that my ministry already exists. Second, I need to include my family in my ministry. Not only that, but my family needs to be my primary ministry. And finally, to stay rooted in God so that my ministry does not become a source of stress, but rather remains to be a source of joy.

Irreconcilable Differences

Frank

Divorce should never be an option for Christians based on Jesus’ teachings in Matthew 5, yet the divorce rate in the church (little-c) is a little higher than the national average (60 to 50 percent, last I looked). The number one reason for divorce in the United States, with laws defining “no-fault divorce”, is irreconcilable differences. In other words, arguments that can’t be resolved. Again, this should be a non-option for Christians based on Romans 12: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought… Honor one another above yourselves… If possible, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:3b,10b,18)

Reading Matthew 5 this morning, Jesus’ instruction on divorce is buried in the middle of a larger train of thought. If your Bible has headings, it might look something like this beginning in verse 21: Murder, Adultery, Divorce, Oaths, An Eye for an Eye, Love for Enemies. Since Jesus’ theme in these passages is less the action and more the heart consider this sequence: Anger, Lust, Unfaithfulness, Integrity, Turn the Other Cheek, Love Your Enemies.

What is your irreconcilable difference(s) with your spouse? What is the one (or more) thing that you two can never seem to resolve? How does that make you feel? (Come in, lay down on my couch) Angry? Do you use that as an excuse to be lustful? Remember that even lust is adultery and adultery is unfaithfulness to your marriage. Remember that you took an oath before God and your ‘I do’ means ‘I do’ just as your “yes be yes and your no be no”. Are you still angry at your spouse? Is there anything you haven’t let go of and forgiven? Turn the other cheek. Last, but certainly not least, if this is still too hard, love your enemy.

When Pro-life is also Anti-life

Frank

I was going to blog on something else this afternoon, but this headline was on my homepage. I don’t know what to say other than, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:17-19)

It breaks my heart that the issue of abortion comes down to this for many. Even his family, after suffering years of harassment, still took a hard line stance by saying the tragedy “is also a loss for… women across the country.” The president of NARAL was quoted as saying, “Dr. Tiller’s murder will send a chill down the spines of the brave and courageous providers and other professionals who are part of reproductive-health centers that serve women across this country. We want them to know that they have our support as they move forward in providing these essential services.”

Essential? I am strongly opposed to late-term abortions. Are 21 weeks not enough time for a woman to “choose” to abort her unborn child? As for “health of the mother” arguments, those cases make up less than a percent of abortions. And as for the “brave and courageous providers…” they’re not at risk of losing their jobs for doing what they do, unlike medical and pharmaceutical professionals who are no longer protected by a ‘conscience clause’.

But that doesn’t make this right. Nothing could ever justify taking another life in such a way. The sad irony that this unspeakable act took place in a church. And I hope, if we really call ourselves Christians, that instead of using this event to spotlight the issue of abortion, we instead lift up our prayers for his family and for forgiveness to the suspect.

Again I quote Romans, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil… Do not take revenge.”

Are You a Statistic?

Frank

I’ve been thinking about the blanket assumption that Christians who identify homosexuality as a sin are bigots. While there are definitely fringe elements (i.e. Fred Phelps) and an over-emphasis in politics (will gay-marriage really bring about the end of Western Civilization?), the appropriate Christian response to homosexuality should be the same as for any other sin. Bigotry implies hate, but we’re told by Jesus to love others including sinners.

So how does homosexuality stack up number-wise? (I’m a number cruncher by trade, so bear with me)

  • Homosexuals account for only 2% of the population according to the US Census Bureau, though polls indicate that number rises to the order of 10% when the respondents can be anonymous.
  • According to a recent Barna survey, only 40% of American adults believe Jesus lived a sinless life, meaning 60% are in sin by denying the deity of Christ.
  • Recent data shows the number of Americans identifying as Christians has dropped from 85% to 76% over the last decade.
  • It’s generally accepted that 10% of the population are alcoholics while according to the CDC 20% smoke
  • A survey by the Kaiser Foundation shows that roughly 45% of teenagers have engaged in some form of sexual activity. Teenagers account for 8% of the total population, so that gives us 4%.
  • In 2001, the Federal Reserve reported that 44% of people do not pay off their credit cards monthly.
  • And last year 53% of the voting population voted for Barack Obama. (Just kidding!)

So well more than 100% of the population is engaged in some sort of sin, accounting for likely crossover. And this list covers a broad range, ranging from arguable sins depending on personal convictions (smoking, credit card debt, homosexuality), sins that can be argued isn’t the fault of the person (alcoholism, homosexuality), and sins that are subjective to doctrine (Christ’s divinity, only Christians are saved).

So is it worth expending such a fuss over a such a small percentage of the whole? Given the above adds up to over 100%, doesn’t that just confirm that “all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) So if believing that homosexuality is sin and that equals hate, then doesn’t that mean we ‘hate’ everyone?

There are a few things we can take away from this. One we, as Christians, should treat all sins and sinners equally because of the above passage. Two, homosexuals should recognize that they are a very small target relative to the Christian desire that “all men be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:4) Finally, we should be sobered by these statistics and reminded that “not everyone who says to me (Jesus), ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 7:21)

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

The Things We Do for Love

Frank

“Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togevah todayy…” (From the Princess Bride, thanks Peter for the inspiration!)

I know I said I was going to shy away from gotcha headlines, but I couldn’t resist with these two stories today.

First is a moving piece (yeah, I said it) from a gay couple who are one of the few whose marriage was upheld by the California Supreme Court earlier this week. The other is of the notorious priest, ‘Father Oprah’ who left the Catholic Church so that he can marry the girlfriend he recently got busted with.
What do these have to do with one another? The irony to start. In one case, long standing tradition and legal precedence prevent gay couples from being married (the couple in this case call themselves the “lucky ones”) and in the other, long standing tradition and legalistic precedence prevent priests from being married. And I don’t necessarily agree with either. (Yet somehow some consider me a bigot, go figure) The irony is that Evangelical Protestants would be quick to defend the priest on the basis of being able to marry whomever he chooses on the basis of love, yet that is the very same argument used to support gay marriage that they vehemently oppose.
Not that I side with either of these couples, however. The description David Schmader gives of his ceremony and the tearful toasts from their fathers is just as possible with a Civil Union. Interestingly, in the subtitle of his article he says he doesn’t “feel” married since the California Supreme Court decision. I’ve been married for five years and I wonder what being married feels like. I know what love feels like and I know what stress feels like, but I don’t need a marriage certificate to experience either.
Meanwhile, Father Alberto Cutie’ made an oath before God to remain celibate in his calling. (Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.’ But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. -Matthew 5:33-37) He says, “I believe that I’ve fallen in love and I believe that I’ve struggled with that, between my love for God, and my love for the Church and my love for service.” But we are told by Jesus that to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” is the Greatest Commandment (Mark 12:28). And we are also instructed that to follow Jesus, we “must deny [ourselves] and take up [our] cross daily and follow [him].” (Luke 9:23)
And that’s the problem in both of these cases. Neither is willing to deny themselves and take up their cross. That’s not a popular stance, but then Jesus didn’t live to a ripe old age on account of his popularity either.

A New Start: Social Networking

Frank

This is a new step for me. I’ve posted a couple of times about writing and pursuing a personal ministry. I’ve also been blogging since October 2006 (has it really been that long?) I’ve had visitors and comments from Italy, Canada and Australia as well as just about every state in the Union at one point or another. But after almost three years, I have four official followers. Four. And two are the same person, just different blogs.

So in an effort to expand this e-ministry, I’m now entering the Facebook and Twitter age. I’m also going to try and change my focus somewhat. The original intent of this blog was twofold. One, to confront the political culture-war that has taken over the Church head-on. And two, to share insight and resources with brothers and sisters in Christ who, as the consequence of a broken Church culture, have been isolated on a spiritual and cultural island. This second part has taken a backseat to the latest gotcha headline. And it’s that focus that I want to share via Facebook and Twitter (And eventually DT Space, but it’s time to put the kids to bed).

So stay tuned.

“Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.” (Mark 16:20)

“Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.” (2 Timothy 4:2)