Author: Frank

R12: Are you building relationships?

Frank

Real community is when the real you meets real needs for the right reasons in the right way. This follows the outline of Romans 12:9-13. We’ve already talked about taking off our masks and exposing the real you. Now, how do we meet those “real needs”?

Romans 12:10 reads, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Easier said than done. Devoted is a strong word. With respect to relationships within the church, this is more than asking someone, “hey, how ya doin?” It is even more than opening your home to your closest friends. It is more aligned with the love you would have towards your family. In fact, the first sentence is redundant in its original Greek. “Devoted” is translated from the familiar philadelphia, which we often see translated as brotherly love which is instead translated later in the sentence from the root philos. Repetition adds emphasis. So in other words, in case you didn’t get it the first time, I’ll repeat myself. Kinda like saying, “do good by being good.” Philos is the word used for familial love as well as close friendships. Devotion in this case raises our relationships within our church to the same level as family. This verse forces us to ask ourselves to go to the same lengths to serve our brothers and sisters in Christ as we would to serve our brothers and sisters in blood and/or name.

Like I said, easier said than done. How many of your brothers or sisters in Christ have hurt you in some way? We so easily turn our backs on them and those scars never heal. Conversely, we grow up fighting with our siblings, pulling hair, stealing toys, tattling to parents when our sister isn’t staying on her side of the car. We hurt and we get hurt. But we don’t just stop being brother and sister at that point. Sadly, siblings may drift apart as they grow older, but while they are under the same roof, despite the hurt they are still bonded together. We are under the same roof with our brothers and sisters in the faith. Yet we treat them differently. This verse teaches that this should not be the case.

The second sentence is required to fulfill the first. We need to be humble. We need to consider the needs of others ahead of our own. As an aside, this can be dangerous if taken to extremes. One of my biggest weaknesses is to serve to such an extent that I neglect my needs to the point of starvation. I get irritable, withdrawn, and lose whatever motivation I may have had. “But I’m doing it for the Lord! The Bible commands me to live this way!” No, it doesn’t. Others’ needs should be above our own, but not to the point of neglecting ourselves. I’m grateful for one brother who always encourages me to go do something fun for myself because he knows I won’t unless I’m told. My wife has learned this too and will often poke and prod me to do something for myself when she sees me get this way. A better definition instead would be (thanks again to Chip), “serving is giving someone what they really need, when they deserve it least, at great personal cost.” Have you ever served in that way? This isn’t burning yourself out as I am tempted to do. It is sacrificing for the benefit of another. Chip uses the example of helping someone with their rent when he knew he wouldn’t be able to pay his own. It’s easy to give a buck to the person begging for food or change outside of a restaurant after we’ve already eaten our full. What about buying that person a meal with the money you were going to spend on yourself? That is much harder.

A great example of this devotion and honor is illustrated in the movie The Blind Side. Can you imagine taking someone into your home like that? I love the part when Sandra Bullock’s character is getting grilled by her girlfriends. “This isn’t a ‘white guilt’ thing is it?” Then a half-repentant, “that’s great, your changing this boy’s life!” To which Sandra replies, “No, he’s changing mine.” While that sounds hokey and expected in a movie to make a cheesy, sappy point, it is still true. True devotion and honor will change your life. Sacrificing your needs to meet the needs of someone else shouldn’t burn you out. If it does, you’re doing it wrong. Instead it should fill you with a sense of joy in the Holy Spirit knowing you’re doing God’s will.

The best example is obviously Jesus,
“who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:6-8)

“Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:7-8) This death is the foundation of our faith and while it serves to cleanse us of our sins, it also serves an example of how to live. “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13) This is devotion. This is honor. This leads to authentic community.

Think: What hit home in this chapter?
Reflect: Who comes to mind when you think of someone who has honored you and been devoted to you? How do you feel about them?
Understand: What person or situation are you aware of that would qualify as a real need? Who is hurting who needs help?
Surrender: You may not be the one to meet the need that you listed above; but tell God you are willing to make a real sacrifice to meet that need if that is His will.
Take Action: Get out of your comfort zone and convenient zone this week. Help one person in a way that “really costs you something.”
Motivation: Download the full-length audio message How to Experience Authentic Community at R12 online. [R12 button to the right, serving tab, free resources at the bottom]
Encourage someone: Who has met a real need in your life in the past? Whether it was loaning you money, telling you the truth, helping heal your marriage, or driving your kids to practice… let them know how grateful you are to Christ for them.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

R12: Why is God so serious?

Frank

We all have masks we wear. We have different ones for different times and different people. We have ones we haven’t used or needed in a long time, we have others that we’ve never used but we hold onto just in case. Masks prevent authentic community. Masks keep us from being vulnerable and revealing the real we. And on Sunday mornings we surround ourselves with tens, hundreds, and sometimes thousands of other people all wearing masks.

The fourth relationship in Romans 12 is Serving in Love which appropriately follows Sober Self-Assessment. I need to be ok with the real me before I can share that with others. I need to see myself as a sinner in need of God’s grace in order to see others the same way. Once I’m able to do that, barriers are dropped, masks are taken off, and I can begin to see authentic community.

Removing masks is only one part of authentic community however. Get a couple of beers in me and I’ll be plenty vulnerable. I’ll probably tell you more than you want to know. And you see this type of community at the local watering hole made famous by Cheers or for the younger amongst us, think Moe’s in The Simpsons.

We need to not only take off our masks, but we also need to have conviction behind our vulnerability. I share sin because I’m convicted about it. I rebuke a brother because I’m concerned about him. We need to call sin, sin and not dance around it as we are often so tempted to do. Real community begins when our love is sincere and we hate what is evil. (Romans 12:9)

My small group got together last night. It was encouraging to me to watch everyone interact. This small group has gone through several iterations over the last few years and I’m finally seeing relationships grow deep and people click. One of my best friends called me over the other night to share some of his struggles. I was encouraged to be there for him, but I was more encouraged that our friendship was strong enough that we could be vulnerable with one another. Small groups aren’t the miracle cure. And not every relationship at church will be vulnerable. But if we really want the Body of Christ to be all Jesus prayed it would be in John 17, we need to take the first steps by removing our masks and having a conviction about sin.

The importance of this is illustrated by the story of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5. To make a long story short, this couple wasn’t sincere and wanted to put on a mask to impress the fledgling church. The results? Death, as soon as they were confronted by it and then lied to cover their tracks. While this might be an isolated incident, it is no less serious to God. The first to be thrown in the lake of burning fire in Revelation 21 are the cowards. The last are the liars. Pretty much any sin you can think of can be bookended by these two root sins. God takes this very seriously.

I encourage you to identify your masks and cast them aside. Study the Word of God and develop a conviction against sin. You need both to prevent you from living a watered-down-Gospel on one side or being an unloving fire-and-brimstone Christian cliche on the other. Jesus wants a relationship with the real you and so does the rest of His Body, the Church.

Think: What is necessary for the “real you” to show in your relationships?
Reflect: Why do you think God judges the hypocrisy of Ananias and his wife so harshly? How or where are you most prone to wear a mask?
Understand: What is the relationship between hypocrisy and purity? Is there any “secret sin” or temptation God might be speaking to you about?
Surrender: Pray Psalm 139:23-24. Commit to respond to whatever the Holy Spirit reveals to you.
Take Action: We all struggle with sin and hypocrisy. Both are like bacteria; once brought into the light, their power to infect and inflict disease is removed. Bring any “secret sin” or temptations into the light of God’s presence (1 John 1:9) and tell a trusted friend or pastor. “Confess your sins to one another that you might be healed.” (James 5:16)
Motivation: Consider downloading “Overcoming the Dragon of Lust- for Men” if you struggle with the issue. [Follow the R12 button on the right, select the Serving tab and find this lesson under “Free Resources”.]
Encourage your Pastor: E-mail, text, or drop a note to your pastor. It’s no fun sharing “convicting messages” that protect the flock from hypocrisy and impurity. Thank him for his faithfulness and courage; let him know we all need the truthful messages along with the grace of God.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

r12: Authenitc community

Frank

I mentioned I was at a men’s retreat a weekend ago that many of the topics in the book Living On the Edge: Dare to Experience True Spirituality were discussed independent of our study here. I was carrying the book around everywhere I went (hoping for just a couple of minutes free to read a little, but thankfully never got any) and several brothers asked about it. The most common response was, “a whole book on just a single chapter from the Bible?” Well, if you’ve been following along with this study for any length of time, it becomes clear why, as we break down nearly every verse into a practical application for our lives.

I’m not going to give a full post today. I’m running a little behind in my reading again. But to follow up on Jay’s comment yesterday, I want to break this statement down further. Authentic community is when the real you meets real needs for the right reasons in the right way. Applied to Romans 12, Chip breaks it down as such:

Real you (v 9):

  • Authenticity- “Let love be sincere”
  • Purity- “Hate what is evil, cling to what is good”

Meets real needs (v 10):

  • Devotion- “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love”
  • Humility- “Giving preference to one another in honor”

For the right reason (v 11):

  • Motive- “Not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord”
  • Method- Genuine service to God is characterized by diligence and enthusiasm

In the right way (v 12-13):

  • Upward focus- “Rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer”
  • Outward focus- “Contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing (pursuing) hospitality”

The following chapters and posts will look at each of these individually. Please come back tomorrow as we continue our study.

R12: What is authentic community anyway?

Frank

Famous last words. The cliche of leaving that last impression, something that will survive history, long after you are gone. Often times, they’re not famous though. They’re honest, open, and heart-melting with an awareness that the end is near. The last thing I said to my grandfather before he died of a heart attack was “see you tomorrow.” Neither he nor I had any idea what the next day would bring. I remember the last words of my father vividly. He, on the other hand, knew that his time left on this earth was short. His last words were filled with a sense of foreknowledge, “you win some and you lose some, but you gotta keep playing.” Even though we were talking about football, I knew what he meant. And he succumbed to cancer two days later.

Jesus, on the last night he spent with his disciples (prior to the resurrection, but they did not see that coming), gave his disciples a command. These last words, which could be expected to resonate throughout religious history, were not about politics (though many of his disciples, especially Judas, expected him to be a political or military leader), were not about the current state of the synagogue/temple or Pharisees/Sadducees, nor were they about church polity. Instead, they were focused on the disciple’s relationship with each other. “A new command I give to you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35) His disciples had no idea a new church, a new religion, would be established following Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection. If they did, they may have expected some “how to’s” for this new movement. Ironically Jesus gave them just that- instructions on how to establish this new church- by loving one another.

This weighed so heavily on Jesus’ heart, it was even the focus of his prayer in John 17. Love. Unity. These were important to Jesus. More than politics, religion, or even a list of pious do-nots. Now look around the religious landscape today. Do you see Jesus’ prayer answered? Do you see his “new command” followed? This was Jesus’ intent for the Church. This is his prayer for our relationships.

This love, this unity, is not only for inside our walls, but should also extend outside our walls. It should exist beyond Sunday mornings. It should be vulnerable and honest. It should show the world that we really are his disciples. As Chip Ingram puts it, “the credibility of Christianity would rise or fall on the basis of Jesus’ followers’ relationships with one another.”

By Chip’s definition: Authentic community occurs when the real you shows up and meets real needs for the right reason in the right way. The next few chapters will show us how.

Think: What did Jesus command and pray for His disciples?
Reflect: Why do you think Jesus made such a point of focusing on our relationships with one another?
Understand: What gets in the way of experiencing authentic community in your life? Too busy? Too religious? Disconnected from like-minded believers?
Surrender: Are you in a meaningful, growing, Christ-centered relationship with a handful of people? If not, will you ask God to show you what you need to do in order to move in that direction… or deepen what He has already provided you?
Take Action: Declare war on isolation adn superficial relationships in your life! Write out John 13:34-35 on a 3×5 card and commit to living it out as God leads you this week.
Motivation: Consider watching the fourteen-minute video message “How to Experience Authentic Community” at r12 online [r12 button on the right, Serving tab, under “free resources”].
Encourage Someone: Make the first move this week. Initiate coffee, dinner, or dessert with someone(s) and talk about your common need/desire for authentic community.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

R12: Do you know God’s purpose for your life?

Frank

This morning we continue, and conclude, the section on Sober Self-Assessment by answering the final life question, “what am I supposed to do?” This question weighs heavily on many of us and the answer is different at different times in our lives. For many, graduation is right around the corner and thousands are right now asking themselves this question. Some are praying about it, and some of those have a misguided doctrine of what they’re looking for for an answer. The book, Decision Making and the Will of God is outlined around a anecdotal case of an unmarried couple who is seeking God’s will in their lives. They become paralyzed by indecision because they don’t have a ‘religious experience’ or some audible answer to their prayers. They wrongly think that because they don’t feel a “calling” towards a particular vocation that that means they are not to pursue that path. They also “put out a fleece” for their relationship and are surprised that God does not answer those prayers either. These are common approaches to try and discern God’s will in our lives, but Biblically those methods are the exception, not the rule. Romans 12 has already taught us that discovering God’s will is as simple as wholly surrendering to Him.

Chip Ingram makes this simpler than voices from heaven, a stirring in your heart, or a wager with God. He points out that we all have been given spiritual gifts and that when our gifts are aligned with our passions, we are doing God’s will. That doesn’t mean ministry, that doesn’t mean jobs or marriage. Those big questions are better left surrendering to God that He knows best and then stepping out on faith. (another good book I recommend on this subject is Kevin DeYoung’s Just Do Something) But the daily living of a Christ-like life involves making decisions based on the best knowledge you have. If you have a sober self-assessment, are at peace with where God has placed you and a conviction that you belong to Christ’s Church as a unique part of His Body, then you need to next identify your spiritual gifts so that you can make the best choices you can.

I mentioned it before, but the Living on the Edge series, Your Divine Design, is a great resource to answer this question. And I don’t believe it is coincidence this series is going on right now. Without getting into the weeds on this subject (and avoiding the ongoing debate over what manifestations of the Holy Spirit apply today), let me just say that Romans 12:6-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:4-11 are the Biblical foundations to define these gifts. Some of these you may be familiar with, some may require an extra measure of faith to discern. But we all have at least one of these, and doing God’s will involves putting these gifts to use.

The best answer to the question “what am I supposed to do?”, is to identify your primary spiritual gift and aligning that gift with your personal passions. The former is a gift from God and should not change through your life, though it may mature and grow. The latter is a function of your station in life and changes with changing circumstances. A parent to young children have different passions than the graduate from high school, for example. And it’s also important to point out that spiritual gifts are not the same as natural talents. Natural talents you have from birth, but spiritual gifts are received in the waters of baptism. Spiritual gifts however, may leverage your natural talents.

So step back and look at where you are. Identify what you’re passionate about. (To get a feel for what I’m talking about, click the “ministry” label to the right, or just follow this link.) Study the passages above and discover your spiritual gifts. Then pray about how the three may align (I say three here because you may be passionate about the needs in Haiti and may have the spiritual gift of healing, but you have two infant children and a tight budget- I would argue that it wouldn’t be wise to sell everything you have to go on a mission trip to Haiti- while you need to be faithful, you also need to be wise). Remember also that you are part of Christ’s Body, so first seek how to employ your gifts and passions in service to the Church. I’ve found that usually everything then flows from there. And again, this changes with time and circumstance. I had to step back from leading the pre-teen ministry when my first child was born, but I continue to teach Sunday School and I mentor a teen so I didn’t bury my talent.

Finally, I cannot leave this subject without pounding my fist on this last point- the Church needs you to identify and use your spiritual gift. That may sound dramatic, but I have a strong conviction of this based on Ephesians 4:7-16 that the Church cannot and will not grow unless we are putting these gifts to use, until “each part does its work.”

Think: What is the value of discovering and deploying your primary spiritual gift?
Reflect: How have you thought about your spiritual gifts in the past? Highly important? Somewhat important? Mostly confused?
Understand: How clear are you on “what you are supposed to do” with your life? Do you feel motivated or confused by the question? What do you think your primary spiritual gift might be?
Surrender: Ask God to make clear what your Ephesians 2:10 “mission” is in this lift. Tell Jesus you are willing to follow if He will show you what you are supposed to do (John 7:17).
Take Action: As a quick shortcut to “test the waters,” ask yourself: “What do I love to do? What am I good at?” Then go try it for six weeks.
Motivation: Do whatever it takes to discover your primary spiritual gift. Determine a time to listen to the full-length audio message “How to Discover Your Primary Spiritual Gift” from the series “Your Divine Design” at R12 online. [follow the R12 button on the right and this message is found in the Self Assessment tab under “free resources” or you can also find this lesson right now from the Living on the Edge main page.]
Encourage Someone: Send a gift card this week to someone whose spiritual gift God has used to impact your life. Thank them for using the gift God gave them.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

R12: Where do you fit in God’s family?

Frank

Knowing who you are is only a start. You need to know where you belong. As the book puts it, it’s like getting all dressed up with nowhere to go. To follow an old adage, in order to know where you’re going, you need to know where you’ve been. Another paraphrase that I’ve heard is where you are depends on where you started. So I pray you’ve been taking the lessons from earlier this week seriously and taking time for some hardcore spiritual introspection.

But now we’re here. The past behind us, the future ahead. We need to know where we’re going. The second of life’s major questions, following “who am I?” is “where do I belong?” This is another question that the world has long deceived us. We join clubs for similar interests, we flock around people like us, we describe ourselves by what we do instead of where we belong. Our fast-paced online world has created virtual communities through Facebook, Twitter and other social media. Sometimes our best friend is the stranger that we only know by their user name on World of Warcraft. But we fool ourselves into believing that there we belong.

The world fails us in this relationship and sadly the church has too. We sit with best friends and seldom venture outside of our comfort zone, too many congregations are racially segregated, and small groups form around like hobbies instead of shared needs. Yet the answer to this question, “where do I belong” is answered by the church. The “where?” isn’t so much as a “to what?” Where we belong is the same as to what we belong. The where isn’t the address of your church, the what is the Body of Christ. Romans 12:4-5 reads:

“Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”

The Apostle Paul describes this in greater detail in 1 Corinthians 12, noting that some of us are like “hands” and others “eyes”. We can’t say to parts not like us that they do not belong, but recognize that they serve a different function. And we have to see the bigger picture, the Body needs both the eyes and the hands.

Think about this for a moment. The Body needs you! You are uniquely created by God (Psalm 139:13-14) for a purpose (Ephesians 2:10). There is no one else in the world like you. No one else has the same abilities, talents, and spiritual gifts. No one else has the unique wisdom from your personal experience. And the Body is not whole without you. (As an aside, this should stir our heart for evangelism as well. That stranger down the street is unique and Christ’s Body is not complete without her.)

Besides being needed to make the Body whole, notice how Romans 12:5 ends, “each member belongs to all the others.” This isn’t possessive. I can’t boss you around and treat you like I own you. Instead we need to look at one another as a mutually symbiotic relationship, where we rely on one another to survive, rather than a parasitic relationship where we suck the life out of those closest to us or vice versa. If you’ve ever served in a teen ministry or a recovery ministry, you can relate to that last one. At the same time, if you’ve ever been a teenager (and we all have) or have struggled through serious sin in your life (and we all have ), then you’ve sucked the spiritual life out of someone who cared, prayed, and fought for you. While we’re human, and we suck, the truth is we need one another to survive.

I’m tempted to slam the church. In fact, I probably do that too often on this blog. So let me quote from the book for a moment.

But before we begin to blame the church- the institutional church- and take potshots at all that is wrong, I suggest that equal weight must fall upon our shoulders; individual Christians like you and me who have gladly bought
into the consumer mind-set of the contemporary church.

Sadly, the mantra of the average believer in the contemporary church is, “Ask not what you can do for your church, but ask what your church can do for you.” Our consumer attitude shows up as parents shop churches for the best-themed children’s program. (“I don’t’ think we’ll go to this church- we’re looking for a more Noah’s Ark theme). We’ve run from program to program and to the hottest new-thing in the community to get our needs met and our kids helped with as little involvement as possible.

Becoming a Romans 12 Christian is not about slamming the pastor or taking potshots at sincere ministries’ and churches’ best efforts; it’s seeing where we are today and putting into practice the raw and radical commands of Scripture in our own personal relational networks to become the kind of people Jesus called to be “salt and light”.

So how do we flip the question? Ask not what the church can do for you, but what can you do for the church? The first step is to identify our strengths and weaknesses. We should contribute our strengths to the church and share our weaknesses so that our needs can be met. Mutually symbiotic-I give, you give, we both grow. I don’t think it’s coincidental that Living on the Edge just started their series Your Divine Design. This lesson series focuses on our spiritual gifts and using them to build up the church. I strongly encourage you to follow these lessons. Subscribe to the podcast, bookmark the site, whatever you need to do to identify what you have and why you need to contribute it to the Church.

Finally to close, I’m going to quote from Ephesians 4:7-13 with emphasis added:

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why
it says:
“When he ascended on high,
he led captives in his train and
gave gifts to men.” (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended
to the lower, earthly regions? He who descended is the very one who ascended
higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) It was he who
gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some
to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so
that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Amen.

Think: What thought or concept was most important to you in this chapter [post]? Why?
Reflect: Do you know “where you belong”? What’s good? What’s missing?
Understand: Was it easier to list your strengths or weaknesses? Why do you think that was true for you?
Surrender: Sit queitly before the Lord and thank Him for your strengths and your weaknesses. Open your hands (palms up) to offer to God afresh your strengths to serve His Body and your weaknesses to receive grace from others.
Take Action: Fill out the three-strengths-and-weaknesses card in the book. [basically list your top three strengths and your top (or bottom, I guess) three weaknesses on a 3×5 card. Do this before Undersand and Surrender above]
Motivation: ask two or three friends what they think your top three strengths are and compare with what you wrote down.
Encourage Someone: Jot a handwritten note to someone whose strengths have been God’s love expression to some need in your life. Thank them for using their strengths to make Christ known to you.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

This is where the healing begins

Frank

I fell behind on my reading (and my Tweeting) so I’m going to diverge a little today. (If you missed yesterday’s post, because I never got around to linking it in Twitter, you can check that out here)

Tenth Avenue North has a new song out, This is Where the Healing Begins, that I encourage you to check out their video journal explaining the song here. Meanwhile, look at the lyrics (emphasis added):

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you’re good
And you can’t believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let ’em fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won’t disappear

So let it fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now
We’re here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don’t fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark (C) Tenth Avenue North

I heard this coming home from work yesterday and the highlighted sections stuck in my head thinking about where we’re at going through the R12 book- “Coming to grips with the real you”. I just couldn’t shake these lyrics. The word “wall” kept resonating in my mind.

I was thinking about walls and I thought of The Wall, by Pink Floyd. I have to admit I was psyched when I heard recently that Roger Waters is going to tour for the anniversary of this album. Maybe that’s why The Wall was fresh in my head, I don’t know. I was sober the first time I saw the Wall (really!) and like many in my generation, I heard the album before I ever saw the movie. So I had a preconceived notion of an Orwellian/Phillip Dick sci-fi-ish movie and I was surprised by what I saw. No, not by the nearly pornographic animation, but by the darkness of underlying story. I admit that I instantly related. Roger Waters is soliciting videos and names of friends or family who have died in the wars going on overseas to include in his stage show. He freely admits the strong anti-war sentiment that runs through the storyline. However, this part of the plot only deflects from the real story- the Walls “Pink” built around himself. The irony is that Waters embraces the anti-war message, which is one of the bricks in Pink’s wall. Relating back to R12, Pink denies part of himself by using the War, and the loss of his father, as an excuse for is antisocial anarchist behavior. (He also blames his mom for his relationships with women, but that’s a whole other story) Even though he sings the song, and the animation shows the wall coming down, he is never really free. He never comes to grips with the real him.

I had quite a few Facebook comments on Tuesday’s post. An old friend that I grew up with reminded me that there are a lot of things out of our control (our gender, our parents) that shape who we are. I agree, except that our character is defined by how we respond to those things. We can either blame shift (my dad was an alcoholic, my parents divorced when I was young…) or we can do something about it. Yes, those things affect who we are, but God frees us from all of that.

So how do we do it? How do we come to grips with the real us? Yes, Romans 12:3-8 is a good start and a great scriptural foundation to build on. But the truth is, we’ll never break down the walls we built around us until we open up about who we are; share our deepest and darkest secrets; and stop blaming what we cannot control for who we are. And that is where the healing begins.

R12: Have you discovered the real you?

Frank

We’ve spent the last couple of days digging in, preparing ourselves to wrestle with God over our identity. Now it’s time to start answering these questions: who are you, where do you belong, what are you supposed to do? We find the answers in Romans 12:3-8.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. [who you are] Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. [where you belong] We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. [what you are supposed to do]

Today, we are going to look at ourselves with sober judgement, in other words clear-minded. You might read this and think, “do not think of yourself more highly than you ought? That’s easy! I’m a Christian and I know pride is a sin.” Of course, that’s easier said than done. In some Christian circles pride is so emphasized that a false-humility abounds; everyone puts on a mask. The other extreme is “meek is weak”- the assumption that humility is a sign of weakness. Both are wrong and miss the point of this passage. This isn’t about pride, per se, but about not measuring ourselves against anyone or anything but Christ. The obvious pride expressed as “I’m better than you” is just as sinful as feeling hurt because “this person didn’t treat me like I think I should be treated” and is just as sinful as the low esteemed “woe is me” who may not be conscious of it, but is seeking the same level of attention as the first two. Truth is, we need to think of ourselves, not based on anyone else’s opinion, but on the grace of God expressed through Jesus.

This expresses itself with humbly acknowledging that we are sinners saved by grace. “[F]or all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23, emphasis added) We have to embrace God’s love for us. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) And we have to live free from the burdens of sin, including the temptations of the world, the deceptions of Satan, and the cravings of our sinful nature. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30) Doing so is the first step in stripping down naked and seeing who we really are in God’s sight (the only opinion that matters).

Next, we need to think of ourselves “in accordance with the measure of faith God has given us.” This is accomplished somewhat above, but goes further and hints towards the next two questions. As I’ve said before, we need to see who we are before we can see who God wants us to be. We’re naked and exposed before God, so who does he want us to be? By the grace of God, we are new creations. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17) And he’s given us the tools to live as a new creation. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7) “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23a)

Chip Ingram gives some good self-help tools to help us along this path. If you have the book, I encourage you to follow his direction with the 3×5 cards. If you’re only following along here, take some time to meditate on each of these scriptures.

Tomorrow, we’ll be answering the second question.

Think: What does sober self-assessment mean to you?
Reflect: On a scale of one to ten, how accurately do you think your view of yourself is? Why?
Understand: What is your understanding of your position in Christ? Do you think it is important to appropriate what you already possess (faith) versus trying hard to live up to God’s standards?
Surrender: Ask God for the power to obey the command in Romans 12:3 to “think accurately about yourself.”
Take Action: Make a copy of the cards in the chapter and review them daily for six weeks. [or take the scriptures above, write them down and meditate on them for six weeks.]
Motivation: Ladies, if you need some hope, listen first-hand to [Chip’s] wife Theresa’s story in her series “Precious in His Sight” at the R12 online resources. This teaching grew out of her own journey toward sober self-assessment.
Encourage someone: As you review these identity cards for the next six weeks, make an extra set and give them to a friend.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

R12: Have you answered life’s biggest questions?

Frank

(No Blog Carnival for me this week, but I strongly encourage you to check out everyone else’s contributions here.)

Go to a public place with large crowds and look around. I travel a lot and love to do this at airports. Depending on one’s demeanor, I sometimes try and guess what that person is thinking about or why they’re traveling. I like to look at families and watch the interplay between parents and children who are trying to run off. I watch people as they’re sitting- what are they doing? I watch as they run through the crowds to catch their connection- where are they going? In every case, it’s humbling to look at these people and remember that they are people, children of God, and each has their unique story.

It is also fun to see how these people identify themselves. The business traveler in a suit, the retired couple going on vacation in their shorts and Hawaiian shirts, the sports fan with a jersey of his favorite player. We project an identity by all of these things whether we’re conscious of doing so or not. There’s a reason you put that TapOut t-shirt on, there’s a reason you put the NOTW sticker on your car. And I’m guilty to, I wear my Chicago Cubs hat when I know I’m connecting through Chicago, or a Wyoming or Colorado t-shirt when I’m connecting through Denver. We want to be identified a certain way and the world has trained us to identify ourselves with name brands and external labels. It is virtually impossible to project to the world your unique identity free from any other “tag”. That is, unless you choose to strip down bare and present yourself naked to the world.

While I don’t recommend this (though this is one motivation in nudist colonies), it brings up a challenge. We don’t want to be naked to the world. That would be embarrassing, indecent. So we understand we need to cover ourselves up, and we do so with labels, brand-names, external facades to hide what is truly underneath.

Each of us struggles with three questions throughout our lives: who am I, where do I belong and what am I supposed to do. Wild at Heart answers this with the three points: an adventure to live, a battle to fight and a beauty to save, all in the context of living how God created us. Chip Ingram digs deeper in LOTE: The Book by turning our attention to the first people to ask themselves these questions. Genesis 3 describes the “Fall of Man”. After Eve is tempted by the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, Adam also succumbs and they are faced with these questions. Who are they with their new identity having eaten from the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil? Where do they belong since they disobeyed God’s word? And what are they supposed to do now? Instead of answering these questions, they hide and set the standard for every relationship throughout history- between mankind and God, between others, and with themselves. They were naked, and they didn’t like it.

They were afraid and naked so they hid. And when finally confronted, Adam blamed both Eve and God. He did not take responsibility. (Eve didn’t either, but Adam set the standard) This sequence- fear, shame, and blame- continues to play out throughout history. It is the tools we use to identify ourselves and they are the means by which Satan keeps us from discovering our God-given identity. Following this pattern: Adam and Eve were afraid because of what they had done, they were naked and insecure, and they blame shifted. Sounds a lot like us, doesn’t it?

These are each described in more detail in the book. Personally, I would switch the descriptions between fear and insecurity, but they do blend together. We are ashamed of who we are and what we’ve done. We don’t want anyone to know our sinful nature, our struggles, our failures. So we are afraid. In some cases of success, in others failure. But most importantly, we’re afraid of being found out, exposed, naked. This then makes us insecure. We’re convinced the things we’ve done or who we are make us lesser. So we hide behind labels and images. We get tattoos or piercings, drive fast cars, and make sure the color our shoes match our shirt and cap (guys) or turn to plastic surgery, makeup, designer shoes/purses/clothes (girls) because that’s the cool thing to do. We hide underneath the world’s definitions of masculinity or femininity, success or strength, belonging or rebelling. Finally, when we can no longer run from who we are, we blame others- our upbringing (most often), our culture, our disease, even both Satan and God are blamed for our own behavior and character. “I’m not a sinner, Satan tricked me!” “God made me like this, I don’t have a choice.” So many turn from God because of this: “The church I grew up in was…” “People judged…” “If God really loved us, why does he allow…?” “How can God condemn what he created in our nature?” We hide and do not take responsibility for who we are and the choices we make.

Obviously this is not how God intends for us to live. But before we can be naked to the world, we need to be naked to ourselves. We need to be honest with ourselves of who we are and what we’ve done. We need to own up to the choice we’ve made to our Creator in heaven and trust in his forgiveness and grace. We need to take courage that God created us for a purpose beyond any worldly label and humbly seek out His will. It all starts with that first step. Strip down. Look at yourself in the mirror. This is who you are. Embrace it. Praise God for it.

Think: What are the three barriers that keep us from discovering who we are?
Reflect: How have you seen these barriers play out it your relationships?
Understand: When and with whom do you have the greatest freedom to be yourself? In what situations do you find yourself projecting strong or weak reactions to keep people at a distance?
Surrender: Admit to God and yourself that you are desperately insecure and need to find your security in Christ- not in your appearance, performance, or possessions.
Take Action: Take off your mask with one trusted friend this week and discuss what you are learning in this chapter about how these three barriers play out in your life and relationships.
Motivation: Download the audio message “How to come to grips with the real you” following the R12 button on the right, going to the “Self Assessment” tab and looking under free resources.
Encourage Someone: Choose to look beyond the irritating strong or weak reactions of someone you don’t particularly enjoy being around. In the next few days, seek to understand why they are hiding, blaming, or pretending. Where possible, affirm the person hiding behind the mask by demonstrating the compassion of Christ.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.

R12: How to come to grips with the real you

Frank

Coming to grips with the real you is the theme of the next relationship: sober in self assessment. Ironically this was the theme of a men’s retreat I attended this weekend. There, the example was given of Jacob, wrestling with God and being given a new name. To get to that point however, Jacob had to reap the consequences of his character- the deceiver had to be deceived to be humble enough to see who he really was. Only then could he be ready wrestle with God. During the struggle, he was permanently wounded, but he was rewarded for it.

God has a new name for us too (Revelation 2:17). But we often aren’t willing to humbly admit who we are. We want the blessing without the pain necessary to prepare ourselves for it. But God doesn’t work that way. He cannot reveal who he wants us to be if we can’t see who we are. And that only comes by painfully digging to the very roots of our character. But instead we hide. We bury who we are under the front we present to the rest of the world. We do this for so long we forget who we really are so far underneath.

A week ago I posted a little introduction to myself and my blog. While that gives a simple “who am I” it doesn’t reveal anything about the depth of my character. It does not describe who I am on the road to becoming who God wants me to be. At the time, it wasn’t meant to deliberately hide my character or intentionally not be vulnerable. There are times and places for that. Well, this is that time.

I appreciate the openness Chip Ingram has shown as he shares about his past, his faith, and his struggles to get to where he is now. For myself, I’ve been through many of the same battles. Like him, I am insecure, though it shows itself in different ways. As I “wrestled with God” this weekend, my insecurities were ever before me. This isn’t new. It was revealed during my recovery and I face it every day at my job and in my home. But I bury it. I don’t deal with it. And it finds new ways to cripple me. I don’t intend to put on a false front. And I try to not let my insecurities paralyze me in fear. But I still hold myself back. I’m not as close in my relationships as I need to be. To be blunt, I don’t let anyone in. And that has prevented me from being all that God wants me to be. So I’m going to battle through this. Wrestle with God. And not let go until I receive his blessing. This chapter comes at the perfect time. Join me in this battle. Wrestle with me.

Think: What went through your mind as you read this?
Reflect: What parts of my story [or Chip’s in the book] could you identify with? What aspects of your story are different?
Understand: When was the last time you thought seriously about the question, “Who am I?” What part of answering this question makes you uncomfortable? Excited? Afraid?
Surrender: Ask God to help you see yourself the way He sees you.
Take Action: Write down the top three people and events that you think have most shaped how you view yourself today.
Motivation: Watch the thirteen-minute video on R12 online titled “How to Come to Grips With the Real You” by clicking the R12 button to the right and going to the “Self Assessment” tab.
Encourage Someone: Think of someone who has a low or untrue view of themselves and share two positive character qualities you see in their life. Tell them it’s an assignment for a spiritual formation project you’re working on so they don’t feel awkward.

Today continues our “virtual small group” covering the book Living On The Edge. For how this group is going to work, read this entry. For an introduction with disclaimers, click here. For some numbers from Barna to motivate you to continue reading, go here. For the R12 videos, click the R12 button on the sidebar to the right. Finally, as we move forward through the book you can always catch up by clicking the R12 label at the end of each post.