addiction

To Keep It, Give It Away

Frank

Saturday afternoon, roughly 150 people gathered in a nondescript church building in an industrial area of Orange County to celebrate the recovery of 17 individuals who “graduated” our Chemical Recovery program. The setting was appropriate. A building that if you didn’t know it, you would never guess a church met inside its walls. The building looked just like all the others in this industrial complex. In the same way, addicts blend in with the rest of the population. Unless an addict is suffering a physical response to their drug of choice, they look just like you or I. Some are powerful executives, some are homeless. Some have perfectly functional families, others have had their families torn apart. Addiction does not discriminate based on age, gender, race, or economic status. Regardless of circumstance, addicts cannot overcome without divine help. (Even AA requires the acknowledgement of a “Power greater than ourselves”)

So we rejoice in the Lord when we see others delivered from their addictions. This day was filled with prayer, with song, with the preaching of the word, and with personal testimonies that didn’t leave a dry eye in the place. The graduates came from every corner of the LA region (and even a brother from as far away as Bakersfield), represented every race and gender, every age, and every possible drug.

I want to share a couple of their stories.

One brother first used Meth at the age of 14. Just three years later he was arrested for am armed home invasion robbery, where he tied up an entire family with duct tape. He spent 8 years in jail. While in jail his brother sent him the book, Some Sat in Darkness, and his life was changed. “Finally I could explain what was wrong with me,” he exclaimed. Out of jail and 10 years sober (8 in prison), he wants to start a Spanish-speaking recovery ministry.

Another brother is a successful Korean businessman. His career required him to base himself in Korea, leaving behind his family in LA. His addiction alienated himself from his family and eventually he saw that he could not maintain his lifestyle. He returned to the US to reconcile with his family. They wouldn’t. His minister recommended he go to this recovery group. He didn’t want to, but did anyway. He didn’t want to follow the directions given him, but he did anyway. He didn’t want to be open, but he was anyway. Eventually, he broke free from the slavery of his addiction, became reconciled with his family, and wants to start a Korean-speaking recovery ministry. (I chuckled inside at the consistent theme) Not only that, but he wants to go back to Korea and start this ministry there.

The Twelfth Step of AA is to “…carry this message to alcoholics.” To spread the word of recovery. In other words, to keep it you have to give it away. Paul was thinking along those lines when he instructed to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15) In sharing with others’ joys and sufferings, we do more than sympathize or empathize, we spread the love of Christ and participate in the rejoicing in heaven where “there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” (Luke 15:7)

This post is one of many, part of a Blog Carnival being hosted by Peter Pollock. This week’s theme is “Rejoice“. Be sure to visit others’ entries to appreciate the diversity of thoughts and opinions present in the Body of Christ.

Savior, Healer, Both?

Frank

“While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?’


On hearing this, Jesus said, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.’“ (Matthew 9:10-12)

“‘Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.’ So he said to the paralyzed man, ‘Get up, take your mat and go home.’ Then the man got up and went home. When the crowd saw this, they were filled with awe; and they praised God, who had given such authority to man.” (Matthew 9:5-8)

“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” (Romans 6:1-2)

“…’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

When the Chilean miners were rescued last month, the whole world watched. Christians praised God as they heard the news and the credit the miners gave to their Lord. The miners become not only pop-culture celebrities, but also anecdotal heroes of the faith. But this religious fervor raises an important question. What if they weren’t rescued? Would God have been there then? Just how much did God have to do with saving those miners? Besides the Evangelical response, was the ecumenical response, and the skeptic response. Which is right? Is it possible they all are?

Michael Spencer, in the twelfth chapter of Mere Churchianity, questions the “perfection” demonstrated by many Christians under the guise of Jesus being both healer and savior. The premise goes that since they are saved, they are therefore healed. Healed of malady, financial hardships, depression, addiction, their own sinful nature. Paul, in the passages above would counter that claim, praising God for his weaknesses in one breath while reminding us that we are dead to our sin in the next. In the miracle above, Jesus’ acts of healing and forgiveness were not the same. They were two different events.

I’ve found there are two extremes to this theological and philosophical dilemma. On one side are those who praise God for being healed of everything under the sun. On the other are those who mope around acknowledging that they are sinners, always have been and always will be, who are just saved by God’s grace. On the one hand are those who believe so strongly that God heals completely through salvation that any sin or weakness must be the consequence of hidden sin or a lack of faith. Then there’s the temptation to over-rely on God’s grace for forgiveness without accepting our part to die to our sins (Romans 6, above). At the same time many Christians feel defeated by their sin, looking at Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” example from 2 Corinthians and just accept their sinful nature while not doing anything about it.  Each is dangerous because they lead to using their present condition to judge others. Michael seems to fall towards the latter extreme. I admire admitting weakness, but he seems to dismiss any healing or providence from God.
But it begs the question of just how involved is God in our day-to-day struggles? Is he only around in the big things (Chilean miners) or in every little thing? And if He is involved in everything, then why doesn’t everything “work for the good”? Why do we still struggle with sin? Why does he have cancer, why did she lose her job, and why are they so “blessed”?

I don’t have the answers. I wish I did. But I know from experience being and working with addicts, that God can overcome our sinful natures. I also know that when he does so, “blessings” pour out in abundance. And I also recognize that this is completely different than salvation and grace. We joke in my recovery group that if you show up single, you’ll leave married. That’s been the case for four now-married couples. One brother just celebrated one year of sobriety. In that year, he’s returned to church, gotten married, and is now expecting a child. I would not be married to my wife if not for both of our recoveries. I’ve also seen the same number of marriages saved from the brink of divorce through recovery. Yet there are defeats as well. One couple separated as they both went through recovery and have had limited and mixed success in their sobriety. His heart is broken because a judge just ruled that she can move two states away and take their kids. He has since left church while she has stuck around. After the judge’s ruling, she posted on Facebook, “praise God…” He posted, “please pray for me…”

God is still there, still involved, and still active. How things will ultimately work out, I do not know. But I also do not know if God will grant me another day of sobriety, another day with my kids and my wife, another day employed. What happens next I just have to trust in Him.

(And iteresting dichotomy considering God’s providence: Michael Spencer died from a brain tumor before this book was released. Why him and why then? Yesterday was posted an interview with Matt Chandler, who one year ago was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Why him, why has he been spared? The interview is worth checking out.)

Flashback Friday: Beyond Belief

Frank

***Originally posted March 12, 2009. Reposted as Josh Hamilton is tearing up the Yankees so far this ALCS and I know many are rooting for him to reach the Fall Classic. His story of overcoming his addiction is compelling and could have been cliche when he fell off the wagon last year. But instead he has persevered through his personal demons, being injured most of this season, and has made this year’s playoffs worth watching (of course Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay, and Tim Lincecum are more than worth the cost of admission). His teammates recognized his battle and instead of showering him with the usual champagne, instead cracked open bottles of Canada Dry.

I’m curious if any of you have read Josh’s book and what you think. Being an alcoholic and working regularly with addicts there were several warning flags I picked up on in his book. I think his experience last year woke him up a little and I hope matured him. I know I’m rooting for him this fall.***

Every season I find a baseball-related book to read during the season (ok, I’ve really only done that a couple of times, but I want it to become a tradition). Last season was Crazy ’08 by Cait Murphy about the 1908 season, arguably the best season in the history of baseball. I also posted last season a list of books I want to get to. But I just got my monthly Family Christian catalogue and saw this book about Josh Hamilton.

If you haven’t heard of him, he’s a phenom for the Texas Rangers who had an incredible season last year and lit up the Home Run Derby. What’s so special about that, you ask? Well I said he’s a phenom, but he’s not young. In fact he’s soon to be 28 (middle aged in baseball years). What took him so long to get to The Show was a complete derailment of his life by his addiction to drugs and his subsequent redemption through his faith in Jesus Christ. Given that background, as soon as I saw this it moved right to the top of my must read list. I love this kid and cheer hard for him. Sorry Free Byrd, but you’re going to have to wait until next season.

The Broken Vase

Frank

Addiction can often be picked out in a crowd. The consequences are either visible (abuse, reckless behavior, traffic accidents) or subtle (incomprehensible immaturity, being alone in a crowd, conflict avoider). If you are one and you’ve been around some, they can be easily spotted.

Recovery however is not as easily seen. AA is, after all, anonymous. Yes, you may witness a change in someone’s character or countenance, but if you don’t know the motivation you could just as easily chalk it up to “finding Jesus”.

Some people think that recovery gets us ahead in the game. But the tragic truth, evidenced by the examples above, is that it only levels the playing field. Recovery removes the ball and chain so that we might, might, be able to keep up with non-addicts in a race. And that is because we are broken.

Think of a vase knocked off a table. It breaks. But it is valuable, so you fix it. You buy the best super glue you can find and you meticulously return every piece to its proper place. From a distance, the vase looks like it always did, but if you look up close you can tell something is different. It still holds water, but it will never be the same. A perfect vase might fall off a short table onto a soft carpet and survive. Not you. The fissures in your structure, though adhesed with glue, will not allow such a beating. You are now forever fragile. After all, you are broken.

But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I once received this parable in an email:

Yes, we are broken. But that brokenness can be put to use by our Father in Heaven. We are fragile, but that makes us sensitive to the needs of others. We are fixed, and for that we are grateful to God for His grace.

A man who lived near the sea would travel every day to the shore to draw from its waters. He would carry two jars, slung over his shoulders on a long branch. Every day he would go to the shore and carry these jars back to his home. But one jar had a hole. That never stopped this man from doing the same thing, year after year. Finally a stranger stopped him and asked why doesn’t he get a new jar? Surely he can tell that he’s losing water on his way back to his home? The man replied that he knows about the hole and is grateful for it. He showed the stranger the path he always takes, every day, to get water and return home. Look, he said, along this path is a long trail of flowers. They would not be there if not for that I water them every day. And the journey down to the shore would be unbearable if I did not have their scents and their beauty to encourage me along the way. Without this jar, without this hole, this journey would not be worthwhile.

This post is part of Bridget Chumbly’s Blog Carnival. This week’s topic: Brokenness.

Hand Up or Handout? (repost)

Frank

This week’s Blog Carnival topic is “Compassion”. Head over to Bridget Chumbley’s for more thoughts, convictions, and experiences.

***Originally posted on October 26, 2009***

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” -James 1:27

I recently brought up my involvement in an addiction recovery ministry. I thank all of you for your encouraging comments. Truth is, I wouldn’t be involved in that ministry if I didn’t need it myself. Besides my character, I have learned much about the human condition and those things that drive us to our drugs of choice. I’ve also learned that in order to overcome our addictions and surrender our will to God, we need to “hit bottom”. This means we’ve reached our lowest point and that realization motivates us to change. Recovery “raises” that bottom, so our motivation for sobriety moves from being afraid of the worst that could happen to desiring the best that God has in store for us. The temptation for many is to prevent a loved one from reaching their bottom. We don’t want to see them suffer. We want to save them. But suffering is exactly what they need to find the desire for recovery.

This creates a paradox to the Christian. There is no sin so horrible that God can’t forgive. “Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear” (Isaiah 59:1) And we are commanded to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13b) Likewise we are commanded to “carry each other’s burdens” because “in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2)

It’s easy to forgive an addict without enabling him. But where do you draw the line when carrying his burdens? On one hand, he needs to suffer the consequences of his decisions. But that does not mean we cannot help. Picking him up from the bar at 2:00 AM because he can’t drive home is not carrying his burdens. But sponsoring him at a meeting is.

With addiction, that line is more clear than when dealing with other sins. What about a single teenage mother? Is offering to babysit while she searches for a job enabling, or sharing her burden? This is something my wife and I are currently battling. There are a couple of single moms that we’ve been reaching out to and opening our home to. When we bring them to church, the stares we get say, “why would you help her? It’s her fault she’s in the situation she’s in.” Are we preventing them from hitting their bottom? I’d like to think instead we’re offering a safe environment in which they can work out their issues. Much like a recovery meeting.

Sadly, this perspective doesn’t seem to be shared. To some, we are offering a handout instead of a hand up. I am moved to pray the lyrics to Brandon Heath’s song, Give Me Your Eyes,

“All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see”

I can then follow up with Leeland and Brandon Heath’s Follow You,

“Faith without works is dead
On the cross your blood was shed
So how could we not give it away so freely?”

I only pray others may see the world in the same way.

***Update: Since this was posted last October, one of these women found gainful employment that also provided much-needed daycare and another moved in with her family for help while she goes to school. Sadly, neither have since kept in touch. I’m now wrestling with how best to minister to a family where the wife is infected with HIV and the husband is working his fingers to the bone to provide. The faces change, but the battle remains the same. It is my conviction that being a Christian means more than spouting off Bible verses and having perfect attendance on Sundays. We need to share the compassion of Christ to everyone, whether or not it is comfortable or convenient.***

Hand Up or Handout? (repost)

Frank

This week’s Blog Carnival topic is “Compassion”. Head over to Bridget Chumbley’s for more thoughts, convictions, and experiences.

***Originally posted on October 26, 2009***

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” -James 1:27

I recently brought up my involvement in an addiction recovery ministry. I thank all of you for your encouraging comments. Truth is, I wouldn’t be involved in that ministry if I didn’t need it myself. Besides my character, I have learned much about the human condition and those things that drive us to our drugs of choice. I’ve also learned that in order to overcome our addictions and surrender our will to God, we need to “hit bottom”. This means we’ve reached our lowest point and that realization motivates us to change. Recovery “raises” that bottom, so our motivation for sobriety moves from being afraid of the worst that could happen to desiring the best that God has in store for us. The temptation for many is to prevent a loved one from reaching their bottom. We don’t want to see them suffer. We want to save them. But suffering is exactly what they need to find the desire for recovery.

This creates a paradox to the Christian. There is no sin so horrible that God can’t forgive. “Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear” (Isaiah 59:1) And we are commanded to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13b) Likewise we are commanded to “carry each other’s burdens” because “in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2)

It’s easy to forgive an addict without enabling him. But where do you draw the line when carrying his burdens? On one hand, he needs to suffer the consequences of his decisions. But that does not mean we cannot help. Picking him up from the bar at 2:00 AM because he can’t drive home is not carrying his burdens. But sponsoring him at a meeting is.

With addiction, that line is more clear than when dealing with other sins. What about a single teenage mother? Is offering to babysit while she searches for a job enabling, or sharing her burden? This is something my wife and I are currently battling. There are a couple of single moms that we’ve been reaching out to and opening our home to. When we bring them to church, the stares we get say, “why would you help her? It’s her fault she’s in the situation she’s in.” Are we preventing them from hitting their bottom? I’d like to think instead we’re offering a safe environment in which they can work out their issues. Much like a recovery meeting.

Sadly, this perspective doesn’t seem to be shared. To some, we are offering a handout instead of a hand up. I am moved to pray the lyrics to Brandon Heath’s song, Give Me Your Eyes,

“All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see”

I can then follow up with Leeland and Brandon Heath’s Follow You,

“Faith without works is dead
On the cross your blood was shed
So how could we not give it away so freely?”

I only pray others may see the world in the same way.

***Update: Since this was posted last October, one of these women found gainful employment that also provided much-needed daycare and another moved in with her family for help while she goes to school. Sadly, neither have since kept in touch. I’m now wrestling with how best to minister to a family where the wife is infected with HIV and the husband is working his fingers to the bone to provide. The faces change, but the battle remains the same. It is my conviction that being a Christian means more than spouting off Bible verses and having perfect attendance on Sundays. We need to share the compassion of Christ to everyone, whether or not it is comfortable or convenient.***

Sins of Our Fathers

Frank

“Yet you ask, ‘Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” (Ezekiel 18:19-20)

This scripture refutes the commonly held theology of ‘Original Sin’. But that does not absolve the son from suffering the consequences of his father’s sin. I’ve pointed out before that often single and teenage parenthood are cycles that repeat themselves in the children of these families.

My Evangelist described it to his teenage daughter this way, “When I made the decision to follow Christ, I broke a long cycle of insanity in my family.” The insanity he’s referring to is a history of physical abuse and drug/alcohol addiction. He continues, “by choosing to follow Jesus, I don’t have to subject my children to the same insanity. I can now live by a higher standard. I am no longer defined by my history, but by my relationship with Christ.”

When children are raised in a home without active addiction present (the keyword: active) then they are less likely to either take up the same addiction or be driven to co-dependency. But that requires not only thorough repentance and a commitment to the higher standard of Christ. Without that, the cycle continues more subtly. The addiction may not be ‘active’ but the character remains.

I have to be conscious of this in my own life and my relationship with my children. At only 4 and 2, my children have already learned that my emotional reaction to their behavior is unpredictable. Will I respond with a fatherly sternness, appropriate and proportional? Or will I fly off the handle and let my emotions determine my response? Sadly, it depends.

At the same time, even though there is no ‘active’ usage in my home, I worry about the decisions my children will ultimately make as they grow older. I know they will let me down with their decisions. That doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be addicts, but it also doesn’t guarantee they’ll remain abstinent until marriage. How will I respond to that? Bottom line, I need to trust God over my own parenting.

Serving in an addiction ministry helps keep this in perspective. I was very moved a couple of years ago when a friend shared about the regret he had in putting his kids through literal hell because of his alcoholism. Last night I heard the other perspective, from a son expressing the regret in putting his father through the same hell. My experience as a son falls somewhere in between each of these accounts, but the book hasn’t been written of the legacy I will leave as a father.

Praise God we have a Father in Heaven that can be the example to which I strive.

Sins of Our Fathers

Frank

“Yet you ask, ‘Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” (Ezekiel 18:19-20)

This scripture refutes the commonly held theology of ‘Original Sin’. But that does not absolve the son from suffering the consequences of his father’s sin. I’ve pointed out before that often single and teenage parenthood are cycles that repeat themselves in the children of these families.

My Evangelist described it to his teenage daughter this way, “When I made the decision to follow Christ, I broke a long cycle of insanity in my family.” The insanity he’s referring to is a history of physical abuse and drug/alcohol addiction. He continues, “by choosing to follow Jesus, I don’t have to subject my children to the same insanity. I can now live by a higher standard. I am no longer defined by my history, but by my relationship with Christ.”

When children are raised in a home without active addiction present (the keyword: active) then they are less likely to either take up the same addiction or be driven to co-dependency. But that requires not only thorough repentance and a commitment to the higher standard of Christ. Without that, the cycle continues more subtly. The addiction may not be ‘active’ but the character remains.

I have to be conscious of this in my own life and my relationship with my children. At only 4 and 2, my children have already learned that my emotional reaction to their behavior is unpredictable. Will I respond with a fatherly sternness, appropriate and proportional? Or will I fly off the handle and let my emotions determine my response? Sadly, it depends.

At the same time, even though there is no ‘active’ usage in my home, I worry about the decisions my children will ultimately make as they grow older. I know they will let me down with their decisions. That doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be addicts, but it also doesn’t guarantee they’ll remain abstinent until marriage. How will I respond to that? Bottom line, I need to trust God over my own parenting.

Serving in an addiction ministry helps keep this in perspective. I was very moved a couple of years ago when a friend shared about the regret he had in putting his kids through literal hell because of his alcoholism. Last night I heard the other perspective, from a son expressing the regret in putting his father through the same hell. My experience as a son falls somewhere in between each of these accounts, but the book hasn’t been written of the legacy I will leave as a father.

Praise God we have a Father in Heaven that can be the example to which I strive.

Hand Up or Handout?

Frank

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -James 1:27

I recently brought up my involvement in an addiction recovery ministry. I thank all of you for your encouraging comments. Truth is, I wouldn’t be involved in that ministry if I didn’t need it myself. Besides my character, I have learned much about the human condition and those things that drive us to our drugs of choice. I’ve also learned that in order to overcome our addictions and surrender our will to God, we need to “hit bottom”. This means we’ve reached our lowest point and that realization motivates us to change. Recovery “raises” that bottom, so our motivation for sobriety moves from being afraid of the worst that could happen to desiring the best that God has in store for us. The temptation for many is to prevent a loved one from reaching their bottom. We don’t want to see them suffer. We want to save them. But suffering is exactly what they need to find the desire for recovery.

This creates a paradox to the Christian. There is no sin so horrible that God can’t forgive. “Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear” (Isaiah 59:1) And we are commanded to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13b) Likewise we are commanded to “carry each other’s burdens” because “in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2)

It’s easy to forgive an addict without enabling him. But where do you draw the line when carrying his burdens? On one hand, he needs to suffer the consequences of his decisions. But that does not mean we cannot help. Picking him up from the bar at 2:00 AM because he can’t drive home is not carrying his burdens. But “sponsoring” him at a meeting is.

With addiction, that line is more clear than when dealing with other sins. What about a single teenage mother? Is offering to babysit while she searches for a job enabling, or sharing her burden? This is something my wife and I are currently battling. There are a couple of single moms that we’ve been reaching out to and opening our home to. When we bring them to church, the stares we get say, “why would you help her? It’s her fault she’s in the situation she’s in.” Are we preventing them from hitting their bottom? I’d like to think instead we’re offering a safe environment in which they can work out their issues. Much like a recovery meeting.

Sadly, this perspective doesn’t seem to be shared. To some, we are offering a handout instead of a hand up. I am moved to pray the lyrics to Brandon Heath’s song, Give Me Your Eyes,

“All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see”

I can then follow up with Leeland and Brandon Heath’s Follow You,

“Faith without works is dead
On the cross your blood was shed
So how could we not give it away so freely?”

I only pray others may see the world in the same way.

Hand Up or Handout?

Frank

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -James 1:27

I recently brought up my involvement in an addiction recovery ministry. I thank all of you for your encouraging comments. Truth is, I wouldn’t be involved in that ministry if I didn’t need it myself. Besides my character, I have learned much about the human condition and those things that drive us to our drugs of choice. I’ve also learned that in order to overcome our addictions and surrender our will to God, we need to “hit bottom”. This means we’ve reached our lowest point and that realization motivates us to change. Recovery “raises” that bottom, so our motivation for sobriety moves from being afraid of the worst that could happen to desiring the best that God has in store for us. The temptation for many is to prevent a loved one from reaching their bottom. We don’t want to see them suffer. We want to save them. But suffering is exactly what they need to find the desire for recovery.

This creates a paradox to the Christian. There is no sin so horrible that God can’t forgive. “Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear” (Isaiah 59:1) And we are commanded to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13b) Likewise we are commanded to “carry each other’s burdens” because “in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2)

It’s easy to forgive an addict without enabling him. But where do you draw the line when carrying his burdens? On one hand, he needs to suffer the consequences of his decisions. But that does not mean we cannot help. Picking him up from the bar at 2:00 AM because he can’t drive home is not carrying his burdens. But “sponsoring” him at a meeting is.

With addiction, that line is more clear than when dealing with other sins. What about a single teenage mother? Is offering to babysit while she searches for a job enabling, or sharing her burden? This is something my wife and I are currently battling. There are a couple of single moms that we’ve been reaching out to and opening our home to. When we bring them to church, the stares we get say, “why would you help her? It’s her fault she’s in the situation she’s in.” Are we preventing them from hitting their bottom? I’d like to think instead we’re offering a safe environment in which they can work out their issues. Much like a recovery meeting.

Sadly, this perspective doesn’t seem to be shared. To some, we are offering a handout instead of a hand up. I am moved to pray the lyrics to Brandon Heath’s song, Give Me Your Eyes,

“All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see”

I can then follow up with Leeland and Brandon Heath’s Follow You,

“Faith without works is dead
On the cross your blood was shed
So how could we not give it away so freely?”

I only pray others may see the world in the same way.