deep thoughts

In the (father) Hood

Frank

So dads, what causes the frustrations I described before? “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it…” (James 4:1-2b) I often have to remind myself that the things that stress me out are blessings and that my stress is the result of me being ungrateful. Stressed about your house? Be grateful you have a roof over your head. Stressed out about your job? Be grateful you’re employed.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise however. God told Adam that the consequence of him eating the apple would be “toil” on this earth. “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.” (Gen 3:19)

The same applies to our families, arguably the most consistent if not largest source of stress. I wouldn’t describe fatherhood as ‘toil’, but there’s plenty of sweat on my brow. I’m amazed at the timeless truth of this passage. So many brothers talk about how their biggest insecurity is worry over being able to take care of their family. Want to make a man feel inadequate? Make him feel he’s failed taking care of his home. That’s one of my biggest struggles. I see something I planted in the yard wither and die and I feel like a failure to my family. That incomplete home improvement project? Failure. And relating back to toiling for our food, when we fall short on our bills I worry whether I’m making enough money. And again I feel like a failure.

But it doesn’t need to be this way. Jesus said, “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Mt 18:3ff) Do our children worry about the how the bills will be paid? Are they disappointed when there’s a dead patch in the yard? Do they feel like failures when things aren’t perfect? Of course not. So neither should we. Our children’s biggest concern is knowing that we love them and that isn’t something to stress over, but rather be very very grateful for.

After all, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Mt 6:27)

In Your Anger, Do Not Sin

Frank

The title is from Ephesians 4:26 and continues, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph 4:26-27)

I decided to make Father’s Day a theme and I wanted to talk a little about a common sin as a father, anger. If you’re a dad, I’m sure you can relate. You come home from work, you just want to relax, and you come home to your child’s messy room. Depending on their age, either they want to jump all over you or they ignore you altogether. Your child who is a “reward from [God]” (Ps 127:3ff) is not the source of joy he or she should be but is instead a source of frustration. You want to be a good father so you hide your frustration- you either stuff it or let loose on something else (video games, sports, the weights at the gym). But you never really deal with it and that frustration grows and grows until it spills over. I don’t know what form that will take for you, but I fear of the form it will take for me. By not dealing with it, I’m “giving the devil a foothold” and he’s just waiting to take advantage of it.

So what do we do? We need to talk about it; share it with a brother in Christ, and calmly confront the source of frustration. Either it’s something that can be addressed, or it’s something not worth the emotional cost. Remember, you’re the leader of your family. Leader, not manager. What’s the difference? Leaders are proactive; they set the course. Managers are reactive and deal with things as they come.

Chip Ingram spent the last couple of weeks on this subject and his lessons are worth a listen. Admittedly, the series promotes his most recent book, Overcoming Emotions that Destroy. But if nothing else, listen to the last two broadcasts of this series, and evaluate how you deal with anger.

Speaking of books, I also need to give a shout out to Susan Titus Osborn (one of the panelists at the AV Writer’s Conference I attended last month) who wrote Wounded by Words: Healing the Invisible Scars of Emotional Abuse. The sad truth is, often our anger and frustration shows itself in our words. James compares our tongues to the rudder of a ship or the bit in a horse’s mouth in describing the influence our words have. He goes on to write, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.” (Js 3:9-10) We need to recognize the damage our anger and our words are capable of.

I’m reminded of this parable: A young man struggles with temper tantrums and his parents are at their wits end trying to curb his anger. So the dad comes up with an idea. He gives his son a hammer and a bag of nails. He tells him, “every time you get angry, pound a nail into that old wood fence out back.” After some time, and several nails, the son stops having angry outbursts. He’s simply tired of pounding nails. “Good,” his father tells him, “now go and remove all those nails from my fence.” The son does as he’s told and returns to ask his dad what the point was. “See all the holes that are now in my fence?” the father asks. “You can take out all the nails, but the damage is already done. So it is with your anger. You can take back all the words, but you can’t take back the hurt you caused.”

In Your Anger, Do Not Sin

Frank

The title is from Ephesians 4:26 and continues, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph 4:26-27)

I decided to make Father’s Day a theme and I wanted to talk a little about a common sin as a father, anger. If you’re a dad, I’m sure you can relate. You come home from work, you just want to relax, and you come home to your child’s messy room. Depending on their age, either they want to jump all over you or they ignore you altogether. Your child who is a “reward from [God]” (Ps 127:3ff) is not the source of joy he or she should be but is instead a source of frustration. You want to be a good father so you hide your frustration- you either stuff it or let loose on something else (video games, sports, the weights at the gym). But you never really deal with it and that frustration grows and grows until it spills over. I don’t know what form that will take for you, but I fear of the form it will take for me. By not dealing with it, I’m “giving the devil a foothold” and he’s just waiting to take advantage of it.

So what do we do? We need to talk about it; share it with a brother in Christ, and calmly confront the source of frustration. Either it’s something that can be addressed, or it’s something not worth the emotional cost. Remember, you’re the leader of your family. Leader, not manager. What’s the difference? Leaders are proactive; they set the course. Managers are reactive and deal with things as they come.

Chip Ingram spent the last couple of weeks on this subject and his lessons are worth a listen. Admittedly, the series promotes his most recent book, Overcoming Emotions that Destroy. But if nothing else, listen to the last two broadcasts of this series, and evaluate how you deal with anger.

Speaking of books, I also need to give a shout out to Susan Titus Osborn (one of the panelists at the AV Writer’s Conference I attended last month) who wrote Wounded by Words: Healing the Invisible Scars of Emotional Abuse. The sad truth is, often our anger and frustration shows itself in our words. James compares our tongues to the rudder of a ship or the bit in a horse’s mouth in describing the influence our words have. He goes on to write, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.” (Js 3:9-10) We need to recognize the damage our anger and our words are capable of.

I’m reminded of this parable: A young man struggles with temper tantrums and his parents are at their wits end trying to curb his anger. So the dad comes up with an idea. He gives his son a hammer and a bag of nails. He tells him, “every time you get angry, pound a nail into that old wood fence out back.” After some time, and several nails, the son stops having angry outbursts. He’s simply tired of pounding nails. “Good,” his father tells him, “now go and remove all those nails from my fence.” The son does as he’s told and returns to ask his dad what the point was. “See all the holes that are now in my fence?” the father asks. “You can take out all the nails, but the damage is already done. So it is with your anger. You can take back all the words, but you can’t take back the hurt you caused.”

Are You a Statistic?

Frank

I’ve been thinking about the blanket assumption that Christians who identify homosexuality as a sin are bigots. While there are definitely fringe elements (i.e. Fred Phelps) and an over-emphasis in politics (will gay-marriage really bring about the end of Western Civilization?), the appropriate Christian response to homosexuality should be the same as for any other sin. Bigotry implies hate, but we’re told by Jesus to love others including sinners.

So how does homosexuality stack up number-wise? (I’m a number cruncher by trade, so bear with me)

  • Homosexuals account for only 2% of the population according to the US Census Bureau, though polls indicate that number rises to the order of 10% when the respondents can be anonymous.
  • According to a recent Barna survey, only 40% of American adults believe Jesus lived a sinless life, meaning 60% are in sin by denying the deity of Christ.
  • Recent data shows the number of Americans identifying as Christians has dropped from 85% to 76% over the last decade.
  • It’s generally accepted that 10% of the population are alcoholics while according to the CDC 20% smoke
  • A survey by the Kaiser Foundation shows that roughly 45% of teenagers have engaged in some form of sexual activity. Teenagers account for 8% of the total population, so that gives us 4%.
  • In 2001, the Federal Reserve reported that 44% of people do not pay off their credit cards monthly.
  • And last year 53% of the voting population voted for Barack Obama. (Just kidding!)

So well more than 100% of the population is engaged in some sort of sin, accounting for likely crossover. And this list covers a broad range, ranging from arguable sins depending on personal convictions (smoking, credit card debt, homosexuality), sins that can be argued isn’t the fault of the person (alcoholism, homosexuality), and sins that are subjective to doctrine (Christ’s divinity, only Christians are saved).

So is it worth expending such a fuss over a such a small percentage of the whole? Given the above adds up to over 100%, doesn’t that just confirm that “all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) So if believing that homosexuality is sin and that equals hate, then doesn’t that mean we ‘hate’ everyone?

There are a few things we can take away from this. One we, as Christians, should treat all sins and sinners equally because of the above passage. Two, homosexuals should recognize that they are a very small target relative to the Christian desire that “all men be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:4) Finally, we should be sobered by these statistics and reminded that “not everyone who says to me (Jesus), ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 7:21)

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

Are You a Statistic?

Frank

I’ve been thinking about the blanket assumption that Christians who identify homosexuality as a sin are bigots. While there are definitely fringe elements (i.e. Fred Phelps) and an over-emphasis in politics (will gay-marriage really bring about the end of Western Civilization?), the appropriate Christian response to homosexuality should be the same as for any other sin. Bigotry implies hate, but we’re told by Jesus to love others including sinners.

So how does homosexuality stack up number-wise? (I’m a number cruncher by trade, so bear with me)

  • Homosexuals account for only 2% of the population according to the US Census Bureau, though polls indicate that number rises to the order of 10% when the respondents can be anonymous.
  • According to a recent Barna survey, only 40% of American adults believe Jesus lived a sinless life, meaning 60% are in sin by denying the deity of Christ.
  • Recent data shows the number of Americans identifying as Christians has dropped from 85% to 76% over the last decade.
  • It’s generally accepted that 10% of the population are alcoholics while according to the CDC 20% smoke
  • A survey by the Kaiser Foundation shows that roughly 45% of teenagers have engaged in some form of sexual activity. Teenagers account for 8% of the total population, so that gives us 4%.
  • In 2001, the Federal Reserve reported that 44% of people do not pay off their credit cards monthly.
  • And last year 53% of the voting population voted for Barack Obama. (Just kidding!)

So well more than 100% of the population is engaged in some sort of sin, accounting for likely crossover. And this list covers a broad range, ranging from arguable sins depending on personal convictions (smoking, credit card debt, homosexuality), sins that can be argued isn’t the fault of the person (alcoholism, homosexuality), and sins that are subjective to doctrine (Christ’s divinity, only Christians are saved).

So is it worth expending such a fuss over a such a small percentage of the whole? Given the above adds up to over 100%, doesn’t that just confirm that “all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) So if believing that homosexuality is sin and that equals hate, then doesn’t that mean we ‘hate’ everyone?

There are a few things we can take away from this. One we, as Christians, should treat all sins and sinners equally because of the above passage. Two, homosexuals should recognize that they are a very small target relative to the Christian desire that “all men be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:4) Finally, we should be sobered by these statistics and reminded that “not everyone who says to me (Jesus), ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 7:21)

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

Who Watches the Watchmen?

Frank

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this when the movie came out, but I heard this verse listening to a lesson today and I forgot how powerful it is. Speaking of ‘watchmen’, Ezekiel 22:30 reads, “I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none” This is a direct challenge to all of us today to be Watchmen for our homes, our churches, and our communities. Who will watch the Watchmen? Well, God of course: “For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” (2 Ch 16:9)

Back in the day when I was thinking about starting up this blog, I was considering the name Watchman based on the above passage, but also this excerpt from Ezekiel 33:

The word of the LORD came to me: “Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: ‘When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.’

“Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you will surely die,’ and you do not speak out to dissuade him from his ways, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the wicked man to turn from his ways and he does not do so, he will die for his sin, but you will have saved yourself. (Ez 33:1-9)

I went with Public Christianity because of the media emphasis on the infamous Value Voter at the time. But I don’t want to get away from the call in these scriptures either. I pray as the eyes of God roam the earth… he finds you and calls you higher.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

Frank

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this when the movie came out, but I heard this verse listening to a lesson today and I forgot how powerful it is. Speaking of ‘watchmen’, Ezekiel 22:30 reads, “I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none” This is a direct challenge to all of us today to be Watchmen for our homes, our churches, and our communities. Who will watch the Watchmen? Well, God of course: “For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” (2 Ch 16:9)

Back in the day when I was thinking about starting up this blog, I was considering the name Watchman based on the above passage, but also this excerpt from Ezekiel 33:

The word of the LORD came to me: “Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: ‘When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.’

“Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you will surely die,’ and you do not speak out to dissuade him from his ways, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the wicked man to turn from his ways and he does not do so, he will die for his sin, but you will have saved yourself. (Ez 33:1-9)

I went with Public Christianity because of the media emphasis on the infamous Value Voter at the time. But I don’t want to get away from the call in these scriptures either. I pray as the eyes of God roam the earth… he finds you and calls you higher.

Add a Little Salt to Your Character

Frank

Solid spiritual wisdom, no? Actually, a table-topper peddling margaritas at Chilis tonight. Instead I offer this wisdom that’s more refreshing and less likely to give you a hangover.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Mt 5:13-16)

Add a Little Salt to Your Character

Frank

Solid spiritual wisdom, no? Actually, a table-topper peddling margaritas at Chilis tonight. Instead I offer this wisdom that’s more refreshing and less likely to give you a hangover.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Mt 5:13-16)

Family Values

Frank

“You are what you do when no one is looking.” This is one of my favorite sayings and is true whether you’re talking about spirituality or not. What is interesting though, is that it is so hard to put into practice.

Christian or not, there are “rules” for acceptable behavior in the public square- cussing at work is generally frowned upon, you can be ticketed for road rage, there are laws against public indecency, and so on. But at home, anything goes.

I’m guilty of this myself. I was talking with a coworker about an ongoing problem that was increasingly frustrating and I totally went off. I didn’t cuss, but by my tone, I might as well have. He commented that he’s never seen me so upset about anything before (he should see me watch sports). But I don’t apply that filter at home with my own family. I’m quick to raise my voice at my children and vent my frustrations to my wife. While I wouldn’t cuss in front of my boss, I don’t have a problem cussing in anger in front of my family.

What that tells me is that I value my boss, my job, and others outside of my home more than I value my very own family. I care more about what coworkers think of me than what my children think of me. Now deep down that’s not true, but that’s what my actions say.

This came to me the other night during a discussion with other brothers about the fights they have at home, and it convicted the tar out of me. Why should I treat my family worse than I treat my coworkers, or even strangers on the street?

While the title of this blog is “Public Christianity” with the emphasis being to live and express our faith in the public square, our faith needs to be deeply rooted in our homes as well. “… choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… but as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15) The Bible is ripe with instruction on how to live and manage our homes. If what only mattered was what people see of us in public, then why include instructions to women in Timothy and Titus?

Sin is sin, regardless of where we indulge in it. God sees us in the privacy of our homes, just as strangers see our deeds in public. Don’t think you’re hiding sin just because it’s not public. Value your family more than that.

“Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.” (John 3:20)

“For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.” (Eph 5:12)