deep thoughts

Super Perspective

Frank

Reading up on the news in Egypt (and please keep everyone there in your prayers!), one figure stood out to me: 40% of Egyptians make less than $2 a day. Puts my salary in perspective. But it puts this weekend’s gluttony, aka the Super Bowl in perspective as well.

Consider:

  • A 30 second commercial during the Super Bowl will cost $3,000,000.
  • A ticket on the 50-yard line, lower level, costs almost $16,000
  • 106.5 million people watched the Super Bowl last year on CBS.
  • 8 million pounds of popcorn will be consumed, 28 million pounds of chips, 53.5 million pounds of avocados for guacamole requiring a total of 222,792 football fields worth of farmland to grow.
  • 325.5 million gallons of beer will be drank which would fill 493 Olympic-sized swimming pools.

Meanwhile:

  • $3,000,000 would provide hospice care for those dying of HIV/AIDS over four years in Uganda, or vaccinate 3 million children for measles across Africa, or provide mosquito nets, better access to medications, and free HIV/AIDS testing in Rwanda. (That’s only three ads right there)
  • 75% of the world makes less than the cost of that football ticket… in ten years. (according to the Global Rich List)
  • Up to 10,000 adult and underage girls are expected to be sex-trafficked to Dallas-Fort Worth this week
  • 223,000 acres of corn would feed 25,000 people for a year (according to rough calculations from this site).
  • 325.5 million gallons would give enough potable water to 616 million people for a day, or enough for 1.7 million people for a year. (This is only a dent, though, as 1 billion people are without drinkable water)

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father[d] is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” (1 John 2:15-17)

Seasons

Frank

It’s become popular to describe different times in our lives as “seasons”. The notion is that when things are bad, it is only temporary- a season- and things will get better. There are seasons in marriage, seasons in our relationship with Christ, and seasons during the year. Personally I’m not a fan of that use of this word. Our calendar is marked off by the seasons; they are predictable and last for a set amount of time. On the other hand, the “seasons” in our lives are unpredictable and could continue for any duration. We don’t know how high our highs will be, or how low our lows. We don’t know when the snow will thaw and flowers will bloom.

But if we were to describe our lives by the seasons, winter would describe a time marked by a cold, barren landscape. Wedged between death, or our lowest low, and rebirth. You might describe it as the long climb back up to spring.

For many, winter is depressing. The days are shorter and if you live where it does get bitterly cold, you try to avoid going outside. Winter also means labor. It’s one thing to mow your lawn, it’s a whole other to shovel a couple of feet of snow first thing in the morning. You need to start the car early to warm it up and to thaw the windows. If you wear glasses and are outside for long, you notice they fog up when you go back inside.

Doesn’t sound too appealing, does it? But I love winter. I’m in Southern California and I miss the snow of my home growing up. Believe it or not, I miss shoveling! It snowed here this winter. For a day. My kids loved it. They built a snowman that melted by the time I returned from work. I love to go out early after a fresh snow. Every step a fresh footprint in the pure blanket before me. The crunch of water and ice under my feet. Then, after some time, and some traffic, those footprints are no more and the pure snow is replaced with tracks of muddy, sooty, slush. So I treasure that moment when the snow is fresh, while it is still pure.

My description doesn’t really fit in with the “winter of our discontent” season of life. There’s the joy of children playing. The hopefulness of the holidays. The purity of the snow.

But snow melts. The days grow longer (even now the sun is beginning to peek up when only a month ago it would’ve been pitch black out). And there is rebirth. Yet I miss the snow.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:9-11)

Weekend Reading, 9 October

Frank

A lot of great blogging out there this week, so I’m just going to cut right to the chase:

 

Some great posts this week on how we should approach our faith and the power of the Word.

  • Matthew Paul Turner says he approaches his faith with doubt. I think he approaches it with humility. Like we all should
  • Kevin Martineau vulnerably reminds us (by channeling Justin Davis) that our weaknesses don’t make us weak but a lack of sharing our weaknesses prevents the deep relationships we need to be strong.
  • Amy Sorrells hates evil and fight it with her own strength. But she recognizes that only gives in to evil while trusting in God overcomes.
  • Is living the Christian life impossible? I’d say it is; without Jesus’ divine power. Rick Lancaster encourages us to tap into that “divine power”
  • Glynn Young shares a powerful post on the spiritual wilderness and healing that comes from the Word.
  • Shawn Smucker asks what the first words of Jesus were when he started his mission. Jesus asked John the Baptist, “what do you seek?” Jesus asks us today, what do you seek? 
  • Jared Wilson reminds us the power is in the Gospel, not in our abilities.
  • He also draws our eyes to the Cross, to remember what God has done for us instead of focusing on what we want God to do for us.
  • Dusty Rayburn challenges us to look at the world and our lives through God’s eyes and to stop being so self-focused.

On “Living the Life”:

  • Justin Davis gets to meet one of his mentors and reminds us how powerful are our words, even at a distance (or over the Internet).
  • Matthew notes that worrying about what others think paralyzes us.
  • Michael Ellis gives us a lesson from a child’s heart on how to serve.
  • Another great Blog Carnival at Bridget Chumbley’s on Healing. 37 links, totally worth the time.
  • Michael Perkins implores us to keep knocking on that door! 

 On the Church:

  • Richard Young (via Church Salser) notes that multi-site churches are only following the early church example and that our focus should be less on structure than on reaching our communities.
  • Michael Lukaszewski, after studying Nehemiah, gives us five characteristics we need in the Church.
  • Sharon Norris Elliott shows us that the purpose of the Church is to demonstrate God’s wisdom to the world. A challenge we should not take lightly.
  • Perry Noble takes some lessons from the Mac vs PC commercials to examine how we treat those outside our church.
  • Finally, Matthew Paul Turner writes a powerful post in light of all the recent news on bullying and how we need to own up to how poorly the church has treated the LGBT community.
Enjoy reading. Have a blessed weekend!

BBQ By the Pool

Frank

Please forgive me, I fell way behind on my “summer” virtual small group. What was supposed to wrap up by Labor Day has a couple more installments. Hey, it still feels like summer outside! At least a little bit anyway.

***

One of the things my kids most look forward to in the summer (as best as they understand it anyway, at their young age) is getting to go to Papa’s house to swim. Of course if we’re going to spend the afternoon in his pool, we might as well plan dinner and how else to you spell summer without BBQ?

There’s just something about relaxing in the cool water with meat cooking over a fire nearby. And it is not limited to pools, visit the beach in the evening and you’ll see crowds gathered around grills cooking. Cooking over an open fire is part of any camping experience as well. And later in the night, on the beach or up in the woods, we gather around the fire to roast marshmallows or just to watch the flames flicker to the sky.

It is refreshing, the cool water. And comforting, the hot meal afterwards.

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 3:19)

In the heat of the summer, how do you find refreshment?

Maybe you don’t relate. Maybe I’m spoiled living in Southern California. But I recently watched The Sandlot and the sight of the boys being out all day going from the field to play ball to the community pool to relax is familiar to me, even though I didn’t grow up someplace where everyone had a pool in their backyard. Maybe those days are long passed, where our children can roam the streets with such freedom, but the community pool is still there.

I can even hear in my memories the cacophony of the crowds gathered around the pool. Teenagers out sunbathing, kids splashing, parents keeping close watch while visiting with their neighbors. As a child, the community pool was a gathering spot, just as the local well was in Jesus’ day. John 4 tells the story of Jesus’ encounter with a Samaritan woman. Where did they meet? At the well.

“With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.” (Isaiah 12:3)

Where does your community gather together in the summer?

But we cannot forget the barbecue in the evening after a day out in the sun. I recall a survey a few years ago that asked women what scents they find attractive. Can you guess the smell that came in last? It was smoke from a barbecue. But as a man, I love the smell! I can step out my front door any evening and smell someone down the street grilling up something. I can smell barbecue, mesquite, beef or pork, hamburgers or chicken, and I rush back into my kitchen to whip something up to throw on the grill, motivated only by the smell.

After being saved from the Flood, Noah prepared a burnt offering, a barbecue, to the Lord. “The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done.” (Genesis 8:21, emphasis added) And then He gave a rainbow as His promise.

The burnt offering under the Old Covenant was to temporarily absolve Israel of their sins. What did they do with the meat once it was burned? They had a feast!

Do you like the smell of a barbecue? What memories does that smell evoke?

In the scriptures above, both water and fire call us to salvation. I began the summer with this scripture from Jeremiah, “The harvest is past, the summer has ended, and we are not saved.” (Jeremiah 8:20) It is interesting how fire and water are linked to salvation. In the Old Covenant the Israelites were led in the day by a pillar of smoke and by fire at night. The burnt offering gave up a sacrificial lamb on account of their sins. Reflecting on God’s Law is like at tree planted by a stream. Isaiah gives us hope to draw water from the well of salvation. John prepared the way for the awaited Christ by baptizing. Then Jesus comes and offers “living water” at the well in John 4. The New Covenant leads us to living water for our salvation. Refreshment that comes from repentance. And cleansing through the waters of baptism, like the Flood that cleansed the Earth.

“Then Philip began with that very passage of Scripture and told him the good news about Jesus.


As they traveled along the road, they came to some water and the eunuch said, ‘Look, here is water. Why shouldn’t I be baptized?'” (Acts 8:35-36)

Today continues this summer’s ‘virtual small group’ (VSG in the tags). I hope you come back as I take this season to reflect on the wonders of God’s creation, share vacation stories, etc, with the prayer that we come out of this season closer to God than how we came into it.

Flashback Friday: God’s Labor Day

Frank

***Originally posted on Labor Day, 2008. Still appropriate today, especially with so many recent headlines on pastor and church burnout. Have a great weekend everyone, and be sure to take some time off to rest up.***

[Monday] we celebrate Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer, but the official celebration of America’s work force. Originally, Labor Day was celebrated to honor workers’ unions through speeches and parades. Today, the typical Labor Day celebration consists of sleeping in, barbecues, and ironically work. In fact, as soon as I finish posting this, I’m going to tackle a couple of outdoor projects I’ve been putting off.

Despite how widely celebrated this holiday is (even I have it off, and that says something) God’s labor day is more widely, or at least frequently observed. I’m talking of course, about the Sabbath. Even though different Christian churches have various doctrines surrounding the Sabbath (Seventh Day Adventists for example) and debate whether we’re still compelled to observe the Sabbath Laws under the New Covenant, there’s still a perfectly good reason God instituted this day.

“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God… For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. (Ex 20:8-11)

I’m not going to debate creation in six literal days here, but rather stress that even God took a break and there’s no reason we shouldn’t too. For this reason, we have in America the traditional 40 hour work-week (but who really works only 40 hours?) with “weekends” off. Even the term weekend is to intentionally set aside Saturday and Sunday on the calendar to respect the Judeo-Christian roots of this country.

I heard during a sermon, that even though we may not be commanded to observe the Sabbath under the New Covenant, if we don’t take the Sabbath, the Sabbath will take us. Each one of the Ten Commandments, besides honoring God, protects us. Like most laws, the intent isn’t just that of justice, but also to protect the general welfare of the populace. The Sabbath is no different. Think about your last big project at work, or finals week in college, or hell week in high school football, or the last week of planning and organizing before your wedding. Anytime you’ve dedicated yourself to something so thoroughly, there’s usually a “let-down” once you’re done. Why? You didn’t take a break as the Lord commanded. Just recently I returned from helping my mom move. What happened a few days after I got back? I got sick.

Unfortunately, we don’t observe the Sabbath the way God intends. We fool ourselves into thinking we’re honoring God by filling the day with church-related activities- morning worship, afternoon meetings, evening Bible study, you know the drill. I asked one of my co-workers if he had any big plans and he replied, “well the first two days are already shot.” His wife was hosting a bridal shower at their house on Saturday and Sunday was church. So on the usual Monday he, myself, and many other co-workers are more tired than we were on Friday. Why? Because we never really rested as God intended.

So here I am today, with a long list of “honey do’s”. Why such the long list? Because I didn’t do a dog-gone thing yesterday. And I feel great.

The Stones Cry Out

Frank

Tuesday I used the recent earthquakes in Haiti and Chile as a metaphor for building on the solid ground of Jesus. Truth is, I didn’t have to use those examples; there have been plenty to choose from. This year alone, there have been eight earthquakes of Magnitude 6 or higher, claiming almost a quarter of a million lives. In 2009 there were 52, killing over 1700 (the difference in casualties was that many of these were deep ocean and 90% of this year’s fatalities were from the Haiti quake alone). These numbers have led many to believe that the End is nigh, that Christ’s return is imminent.

There’s good Biblical reason for such fears. A search in BibleGateway for earthquake yields 17 results in the NIV, and all but the exceptions of the LORD’s appearance to Elijah, Jesus’ death and resurrection, and Peter’s escape from prison involve God’s coming wrath. Some examples:

“The LORD Almighty will come with thunder and earthquake and great noise, with windstorm and tempest and flames of a devouring fire.” (Isaiah 29:6)

“Then there came flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder and a severe earthquake. No earthquake like it has ever occurred since man has been on earth, so tremendous was the quake.”(Revelation 16:18)

However, before Jesus warned us that “[n]ation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven,” he also cautioned us “do not be frightened. These things must happen first, but the end will not come right away.” (Luke 21:9-11) While it is in our nature to speculate, Jesus also reminds us that “No one knows about the day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” (Matthew 25:36)

The access to instant information afforded us by the Internet brings events to our attention that might otherwise go unnoticed. For example, this week it was reported that an April earthquake in Baja California moved the city of Calexico two and a half feet. I was in Boston last week and arrived right after an earthquake hit in Ottawa. The 5.0 earthquake was felt throughout New England. I come from earthquake country and when I think of the Northeast, the last thing I think about is an earthquake. Yet Ottawa experiences earthquakes of similar magnitude every “four or five years” and several hundred small earthquakes along the Logan faultline in Quebec strike every year.

Maybe we’re too sensitive to the news that’s reported. There’s no shortage of “wars and rumors of wars” that’s for sure. And with Hurricane Katrina still fresh in our minds, we’re aware of every hurricane predicted and tracked. In fact, as I type this ‘Alex’ has been downgraded from a hurricane to just a tropical storm even though three lives have already been lost and thousands evacuated. Is any of this unusual though?

Of the 15 largest earthquakes in the last century, four have been this decade. Yet with the exception of the 1920s and 1980s, there have been roughly 10 earthquakes 8.0 or larger each decade since the turn of the last century. Yes, the first decade of the 21st Century saw more than most with 13, but it’s not necessarily out of the norm. (The earthquake data at usgs.gov is a lot of fun to pour through if you’re a data nerd like me)

So I’m not concerned. Yes, I live in earthquake country and am looking forward to my ocean-front property when the Big One hits, but other than earthquake drills and keeping a disaster kit handy, there’s not much else I can do. Spiritually, I need to keep oil in my lamp as Jesus instructs and live as though he is returning today. But I find comfort in Elijah’s experience:

“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” (1 Kings 19:11-12)

The Stones Cry Out

Frank

Tuesday I used the recent earthquakes in Haiti and Chile as a metaphor for building on the solid ground of Jesus. Truth is, I didn’t have to use those examples; there have been plenty to choose from. This year alone, there have been eight earthquakes of Magnitude 6 or higher, claiming almost a quarter of a million lives. In 2009 there were 52, killing over 1700 (the difference in casualties was that many of these were deep ocean and 90% of this year’s fatalities were from the Haiti quake alone). These numbers have led many to believe that the End is nigh, that Christ’s return is imminent.

There’s good Biblical reason for such fears. A search in BibleGateway for earthquake yields 17 results in the NIV, and all but the exceptions of the LORD’s appearance to Elijah, Jesus’ death and resurrection, and Peter’s escape from prison involve God’s coming wrath. Some examples:

“The LORD Almighty will come with thunder and earthquake and great noise, with windstorm and tempest and flames of a devouring fire.” (Isaiah 29:6)

“Then there came flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder and a severe earthquake. No earthquake like it has ever occurred since man has been on earth, so tremendous was the quake.”(Revelation 16:18)

However, before Jesus warned us that “[n]ation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven,” he also cautioned us “do not be frightened. These things must happen first, but the end will not come right away.” (Luke 21:9-11) While it is in our nature to speculate, Jesus also reminds us that “No one knows about the day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” (Matthew 25:36)

The access to instant information afforded us by the Internet brings events to our attention that might otherwise go unnoticed. For example, this week it was reported that an April earthquake in Baja California moved the city of Calexico two and a half feet. I was in Boston last week and arrived right after an earthquake hit in Ottawa. The 5.0 earthquake was felt throughout New England. I come from earthquake country and when I think of the Northeast, the last thing I think about is an earthquake. Yet Ottawa experiences earthquakes of similar magnitude every “four or five years” and several hundred small earthquakes along the Logan faultline in Quebec strike every year.

Maybe we’re too sensitive to the news that’s reported. There’s no shortage of “wars and rumors of wars” that’s for sure. And with Hurricane Katrina still fresh in our minds, we’re aware of every hurricane predicted and tracked. In fact, as I type this ‘Alex’ has been downgraded from a hurricane to just a tropical storm even though three lives have already been lost and thousands evacuated. Is any of this unusual though?

Of the 15 largest earthquakes in the last century, four have been this decade. Yet with the exception of the 1920s and 1980s, there have been roughly 10 earthquakes 8.0 or larger each decade since the turn of the last century. Yes, the first decade of the 21st Century saw more than most with 13, but it’s not necessarily out of the norm. (The earthquake data at usgs.gov is a lot of fun to pour through if you’re a data nerd like me)

So I’m not concerned. Yes, I live in earthquake country and am looking forward to my ocean-front property when the Big One hits, but other than earthquake drills and keeping a disaster kit handy, there’s not much else I can do. Spiritually, I need to keep oil in my lamp as Jesus instructs and live as though he is returning today. But I find comfort in Elijah’s experience:

“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” (1 Kings 19:11-12)

What message are you sending?

Frank

They say you can judge a lot from first impressions. They also say never to judge a book by it’s cover. Kind of contradicts, no? A slogan on a shirt, a bumper sticker, or a personalized license plate can tell much about a person. We’ve all heard the story of the driver with a Jesus fish on his car cutting someone off in traffic while screaming some inaudible words.

Recently, I was behind a car at a stoplight with the license plate that read, “PHL 4:5”. I wasn’t behind her long enough to judge how accurately the plate described the driver. Although that’s a pretty bold declaration to make if you have a shoddy driving record. Another I saw some time ago that I quite liked (at the same intersection, believe it or not) read, “HV F8TH”.

This morning while slowly rolling down the 405, I saw another telling personalized plate. This one read, “DRK BEER”. I hope this person wasn’t drinking and driving, though it was 5 in the morning. My own plate is simply the numbers assigned to me. Personally, I’d rather my action speak to my character rather than advertise to another car passing by at 60 miles per hour.

I’ve never been much for slogans. I don’t own anything with WWJD on it, and there’s not a Jesus fish on my car. I try very hard to not allow myself to be defined by things. I want my life to scream that I am a disciple of Jesus.

So what message do we send with our image, our language, or our behavior?

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Galatians 3:23)

What message are you sending?

Frank

They say you can judge a lot from first impressions. They also say never to judge a book by it’s cover. Kind of contradicts, no? A slogan on a shirt, a bumper sticker, or a personalized license plate can tell much about a person. We’ve all heard the story of the driver with a Jesus fish on his car cutting someone off in traffic while screaming some inaudible words.

Recently, I was behind a car at a stoplight with the license plate that read, “PHL 4:5”. I wasn’t behind her long enough to judge how accurately the plate described the driver. Although that’s a pretty bold declaration to make if you have a shoddy driving record. Another I saw some time ago that I quite liked (at the same intersection, believe it or not) read, “HV F8TH”.

This morning while slowly rolling down the 405, I saw another telling personalized plate. This one read, “DRK BEER”. I hope this person wasn’t drinking and driving, though it was 5 in the morning. My own plate is simply the numbers assigned to me. Personally, I’d rather my action speak to my character rather than advertise to another car passing by at 60 miles per hour.

I’ve never been much for slogans. I don’t own anything with WWJD on it, and there’s not a Jesus fish on my car. I try very hard to not allow myself to be defined by things. I want my life to scream that I am a disciple of Jesus.

So what message do we send with our image, our language, or our behavior?

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Galatians 3:23)

Infinite Sadness

Frank

It was an afternoon like any other, killing time at my family’s store by turning anything I could get my hands on into some kind of toy. Grandpa hadn’t yet come back after his daily afternoon nap and Grandma asked if I wanted to go home with her to check on him. Go to Grandma’s house? She didn’t have to ask me twice. Walking up the steps, I unlocked the door helping my grandma with arms full of groceries. I opened the door and stepped aside to let her in. The groceries dropped and my grandma rushed me back down the steps. But I still saw. My grandfather lay lifeless on the kitchen floor.

I was babysat by friends of the family for what seemed like hours (we were watching a PBS documentary on bats; not exactly my idea of a good time) which gave me ample time to reflect on life, death, and the afterlife. At nine years old, it was somewhat comprehensible. I understood heaven, kinda understood hell, and didn’t for the life of me understand purgatory (and still don’t). I rationalized the eternal consequence of what just happened, but did not feel anything about what that meant for those of us still living in this life. Perplexed, with wheels always turning, I wondered what this life really meant.

I thought a lot about it, but didn’t feel anything. At least not until a few days later, when after the funeral I found my sister engulfed in tears sitting at a typewriter at our grandparent’s house. On the page were written all of her feelings; a last goodbye from his little princess. Then, and only then, was I able to understand sadness.

As the years passed, I suffered more loss. My favorite uncle passed away while I was in the eighth grade, countless friends of the family passed away over the years, and I lost my father right as my junior year in college began. Because of this, I thought I understood death and understood sadness.

When I became a disciple of Jesus four years after my father died, eternal life took on more significant a meaning than paintings of angels sitting on clouds in heaven. “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:55) So when I next faced death,I thought my faith was mature enough to handle it. Or so I thought, I still didn’t know how to feel. My wife lost her foster mom, whom she loved dearly despite only living with her for two years. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to help, I was paralyzed by this unfamiliar feeling-sadness. Sure I was sad when my dad passed away, but I drowned that out. I had nowhere to run from these feelings. There was no bottle to crawl into. And so I cried. Right around the same time I watched Big Fish and could not stop crying. For hours. This new feeling opened up a wellspring that I has not yet run dry. I now cry at just about anything, most notoriously while watching Finding Nemo.

Now Glynn Young reminded me that “Jesus wept” (John 11:35), and that it’s ok for men to cry. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I don’t like this feeling and so I avoid it as much as I can.

I was avoiding it a couple of weeks ago while my wife’s grandmother suffered a stroke at 102 years of age. Following the stroke, she couldn’t talk, which meant she couldn’t eat. If she couldn’t eat, that meant she was going to die. She had a living will which stated she didn’t want any kind of support, including a feeding tube. So we prepared for the inevitable. She was sharp as a knife in her mind, but she couldn’t communicate. We had to assume she was preparing for the inevitable as well. Watching her, still in her bed biding time, I was consumed with sadness. I wasn’t sad about the inevitable loss of her life, she was 102 after all. But I could not help but to think about what must have been going through her mind. She knew she was about to die and couldn’t do a thing about it. Again, that sadness paralyzed me.

Recently, my wife and I watched the Time Traveler’s Wife. Again, I felt this “melancholy and infinite sadness” as I related to Eric Bana’s character towards the end. (kinda spoiler alert if you haven’t seen it) Because he could travel through time, he knew when he was going to die. How would he have felt? What was he thinking? I was just as torn watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. (another spoiler if you haven’t seen it) Here, Brad Pitt’s character had “aged” to infancy with a completely mature mind to comprehend what was happening. The waterworks started flowing as this baby gripped the love of his life’s finger as he passed away.

I don’t like death. As a Christian, I should embrace it, glory in Christ’s resurrection. But I don’t. I cannot get over the sadness that comes with it. I can’t help but think about the inevitable end to our mortality and the loved ones left behind. To be honest, I don’t want to die. In high school, an exercise in my psychology class asked each of us to list one thing we were afraid of. My answer was death. Twenty years later, I wouldn’t change that answer.

Jesus presents quite the paradox. Facing the knowledge of his own death, he wept in the Garden. He struggled with it so much, he escaped to pray about it three times. Yet he surrendered to his Father’s will and willingly marched towards the Cross. Just a short time before, the brother of a couple of his best friends died and there we read the shortest verse in the Bible, “Jesus wept.” Why? He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, he knew the lifeless body before him was not going to remain that way. Was he moved by compassion towards his friends? Was he gripped with the knowledge of his own death? While he could discern what was in the hearts of his disciples and foresaw Judas’ betrayal, could it be that he didn’t know how his own story was going to play out? Surely he knew death held no power. He saw the glories of heaven first-hand and witnessed the countless number of lives who waited in “Abraham’s bosom”. Yet he still cried.

While I don’t understand it, I’m going to take Jesus’ example as permission to feel sadness with respect to death. Yes, I believe in the resurrection. Yes, I believe we should rejoice when a loved one gets to enter into God’s heavenly Kingdom. But I will still feel sadness. I will still cry. So the next time you see me at a movie bawling my eyes out, don’t be surprised.