family

Such as These

Frank

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14)

“I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3)

I’ve heard many interpretations of these passages on what qualities in children we should imitate: children are innocent in their hearts, children are mold-able, children need their father, and so on. I’ve always leaned most towards the need of a child for his or her father.

My son and I battle every night at bedtime. As I walk away he tells me that he’s scared. When I try and reassure him that his mom and I are right there on the other side of the wall he tells me, “but I can’t see you!” I started to relate that to our faith in God. We believe in him and trust in him even though we can’t see him. But that hasn’t worked.

So a couple of nights ago, we’re going through the usual routine and ensuing battle. Exasperated, I walk away as he cries about being afraid. Then he says something profound, “come hold my hand and pray.” I couldn’t resist.

My dad passed away 13 years ago. My son tells me I need to get a new one. I tell him that I have a perfect Father in heaven. I try and explain that God is like a Father to us. In fact, he’s the best Father there ever was.

He doesn’t yet buy it. And he is still scared when I turn away. He needs the comfort of knowing I am there. Like God, we can’t see him but there is comfort he is there. Yet he will hear us when we cry out to him.

Clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
-Plumb, In My Arms

Sins of Our Fathers

Frank

“Yet you ask, ‘Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” (Ezekiel 18:19-20)

This scripture refutes the commonly held theology of ‘Original Sin’. But that does not absolve the son from suffering the consequences of his father’s sin. I’ve pointed out before that often single and teenage parenthood are cycles that repeat themselves in the children of these families.

My Evangelist described it to his teenage daughter this way, “When I made the decision to follow Christ, I broke a long cycle of insanity in my family.” The insanity he’s referring to is a history of physical abuse and drug/alcohol addiction. He continues, “by choosing to follow Jesus, I don’t have to subject my children to the same insanity. I can now live by a higher standard. I am no longer defined by my history, but by my relationship with Christ.”

When children are raised in a home without active addiction present (the keyword: active) then they are less likely to either take up the same addiction or be driven to co-dependency. But that requires not only thorough repentance and a commitment to the higher standard of Christ. Without that, the cycle continues more subtly. The addiction may not be ‘active’ but the character remains.

I have to be conscious of this in my own life and my relationship with my children. At only 4 and 2, my children have already learned that my emotional reaction to their behavior is unpredictable. Will I respond with a fatherly sternness, appropriate and proportional? Or will I fly off the handle and let my emotions determine my response? Sadly, it depends.

At the same time, even though there is no ‘active’ usage in my home, I worry about the decisions my children will ultimately make as they grow older. I know they will let me down with their decisions. That doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be addicts, but it also doesn’t guarantee they’ll remain abstinent until marriage. How will I respond to that? Bottom line, I need to trust God over my own parenting.

Serving in an addiction ministry helps keep this in perspective. I was very moved a couple of years ago when a friend shared about the regret he had in putting his kids through literal hell because of his alcoholism. Last night I heard the other perspective, from a son expressing the regret in putting his father through the same hell. My experience as a son falls somewhere in between each of these accounts, but the book hasn’t been written of the legacy I will leave as a father.

Praise God we have a Father in Heaven that can be the example to which I strive.

Sins of Our Fathers

Frank

“Yet you ask, ‘Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” (Ezekiel 18:19-20)

This scripture refutes the commonly held theology of ‘Original Sin’. But that does not absolve the son from suffering the consequences of his father’s sin. I’ve pointed out before that often single and teenage parenthood are cycles that repeat themselves in the children of these families.

My Evangelist described it to his teenage daughter this way, “When I made the decision to follow Christ, I broke a long cycle of insanity in my family.” The insanity he’s referring to is a history of physical abuse and drug/alcohol addiction. He continues, “by choosing to follow Jesus, I don’t have to subject my children to the same insanity. I can now live by a higher standard. I am no longer defined by my history, but by my relationship with Christ.”

When children are raised in a home without active addiction present (the keyword: active) then they are less likely to either take up the same addiction or be driven to co-dependency. But that requires not only thorough repentance and a commitment to the higher standard of Christ. Without that, the cycle continues more subtly. The addiction may not be ‘active’ but the character remains.

I have to be conscious of this in my own life and my relationship with my children. At only 4 and 2, my children have already learned that my emotional reaction to their behavior is unpredictable. Will I respond with a fatherly sternness, appropriate and proportional? Or will I fly off the handle and let my emotions determine my response? Sadly, it depends.

At the same time, even though there is no ‘active’ usage in my home, I worry about the decisions my children will ultimately make as they grow older. I know they will let me down with their decisions. That doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be addicts, but it also doesn’t guarantee they’ll remain abstinent until marriage. How will I respond to that? Bottom line, I need to trust God over my own parenting.

Serving in an addiction ministry helps keep this in perspective. I was very moved a couple of years ago when a friend shared about the regret he had in putting his kids through literal hell because of his alcoholism. Last night I heard the other perspective, from a son expressing the regret in putting his father through the same hell. My experience as a son falls somewhere in between each of these accounts, but the book hasn’t been written of the legacy I will leave as a father.

Praise God we have a Father in Heaven that can be the example to which I strive.

Won’t Somebody Think of the Children, Again!

Frank

I’ve been down this road before regarding ‘Octomom’ and touched on it with the Gosselins, but there is a steep price to pay by our children in the pursuit of our own celebrity. This scripture bears repeating:

It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. -Luke 17:2

In the past week you were probably glued to your TV when you heard about “balloon boy”. As a parent, my heart ached thinking of a 6 year-old 7000 feet in the air, all alone. In case you’ve been living under a rock, it turns out the whole thing was a hoax. Sadly, the 6 year-old is caught in the middle of it all, spilling the beans (literally and figuratively) on the whole thing on national TV. You know you’re putting your kid under too much pressure when he throws up on camera. Sadly, kids are put through the ringer all the time for the sake of ‘reality TV’. Jon and Kate, I’m looking at you.

But that’s not the only forum where children are the victims of their parent’s pride and selfishness. Unfaithfulness not only tears marriages apart, but tears the children apart also. This is no more evident than the recent case of ESPN’s Steve Phillips. His affair with an “assistant” led her to confront his wife and his son via Facebook in what the media is comparing to “Fatal Attraction”. In Phillips’ statement to the police he said, “I have extreme concerns about the health and safety of my kids and myself.” If he cared so much for his kids, he should’ve kept it in his pants. Sorry to be so blunt, but this is his second known affair. The first cost him his job as GM of the Mets. This one is going to cost him his wife. I don’t know what will happen with his kids after the divorce, but one thing to be sure of, there will be cameras rolling when that decision is made.

Won’t Somebody Think of the Children, Again!

Frank

I’ve been down this road before regarding ‘Octomom’ and touched on it with the Gosselins, but there is a steep price to pay by our children in the pursuit of our own celebrity. This scripture bears repeating:

It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. -Luke 17:2

In the past week you were probably glued to your TV when you heard about “balloon boy”. As a parent, my heart ached thinking of a 6 year-old 7000 feet in the air, all alone. In case you’ve been living under a rock, it turns out the whole thing was a hoax. Sadly, the 6 year-old is caught in the middle of it all, spilling the beans (literally and figuratively) on the whole thing on national TV. You know you’re putting your kid under too much pressure when he throws up on camera. Sadly, kids are put through the ringer all the time for the sake of ‘reality TV’. Jon and Kate, I’m looking at you.

But that’s not the only forum where children are the victims of their parent’s pride and selfishness. Unfaithfulness not only tears marriages apart, but tears the children apart also. This is no more evident than the recent case of ESPN’s Steve Phillips. His affair with an “assistant” led her to confront his wife and his son via Facebook in what the media is comparing to “Fatal Attraction”. In Phillips’ statement to the police he said, “I have extreme concerns about the health and safety of my kids and myself.” If he cared so much for his kids, he should’ve kept it in his pants. Sorry to be so blunt, but this is his second known affair. The first cost him his job as GM of the Mets. This one is going to cost him his wife. I don’t know what will happen with his kids after the divorce, but one thing to be sure of, there will be cameras rolling when that decision is made.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Frank

The other night when getting my kids down for bed, I was praying with my son. He copied my prayer almost word for word but then added his own flair. “Thank you for Transformers… Thank you for killing the bad guys… I pray I can sleep all day…” It was hard for me to not completely crack up. Transformers I get, but killing the bad guys? Where did that come from? Thankfully the Spirit speaks for us in prayer.

“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” (Romans 8:26)

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Frank

The other night when getting my kids down for bed, I was praying with my son. He copied my prayer almost word for word but then added his own flair. “Thank you for Transformers… Thank you for killing the bad guys… I pray I can sleep all day…” It was hard for me to not completely crack up. Transformers I get, but killing the bad guys? Where did that come from? Thankfully the Spirit speaks for us in prayer.

“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” (Romans 8:26)

When it Rains, it Pours

Frank

It’s almost cliche in its truth. You’ve probably had this happen to you, or you’ve seen it: right when you commit yourself to Christ and old flame calls up, or right when you’re overcoming an addiction either an old drinking buddy runs into you or you have an office party with an open bar, or as you’re raising money for missions work your car breaks down. I could go on, but you get the idea.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

I don’t‘ know about you, but the above is anything but joy. Interesting that this passage follows up with admonishing us to pray for wisdom while encouraging us to have faith. Facing these trials with the right heart obviously requires faith, but maturing through them requires wisdom.

My wife and I are taking a financial class by Dave Ramsey. One couple in the class had their van impounded (and they have 4 kids to haul around!), another had a flat tire, and another wife came down with a bug that required her husband to take several days of unpaid leave from his job. As for us, our a/c broke down (in the middle of July, in the desert) and my wife’s bike was stolen, all within a couple of days of each other and within a few days of the other trials above. Hopefully, I’m finding the wisdom to persevere in this class.

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.” (Hebrews 12:7)

How ironic too, to look at this as discipline from the Lord while we’re struggling with disciplining our own son.

There are times like these when I think it would be easier to just give up on following Christ all together. But I know that’s not really true. These trials are only temporary, but the benefits of perseverance are eternal. Plus, I believe in a loving God which gives me hope that he, not I, knows what is best for me and my family.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Rom 8:28)

When it Rains, it Pours

Frank

It’s almost cliche in its truth. You’ve probably had this happen to you, or you’ve seen it: right when you commit yourself to Christ and old flame calls up, or right when you’re overcoming an addiction either an old drinking buddy runs into you or you have an office party with an open bar, or as you’re raising money for missions work your car breaks down. I could go on, but you get the idea.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

I don’t‘ know about you, but the above is anything but joy. Interesting that this passage follows up with admonishing us to pray for wisdom while encouraging us to have faith. Facing these trials with the right heart obviously requires faith, but maturing through them requires wisdom.

My wife and I are taking a financial class by Dave Ramsey. One couple in the class had their van impounded (and they have 4 kids to haul around!), another had a flat tire, and another wife came down with a bug that required her husband to take several days of unpaid leave from his job. As for us, our a/c broke down (in the middle of July, in the desert) and my wife’s bike was stolen, all within a couple of days of each other and within a few days of the other trials above. Hopefully, I’m finding the wisdom to persevere in this class.

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.” (Hebrews 12:7)

How ironic too, to look at this as discipline from the Lord while we’re struggling with disciplining our own son.

There are times like these when I think it would be easier to just give up on following Christ all together. But I know that’s not really true. These trials are only temporary, but the benefits of perseverance are eternal. Plus, I believe in a loving God which gives me hope that he, not I, knows what is best for me and my family.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Rom 8:28)

Who’s Your Daddy?

Frank

“So God created man in his own image…” (Gen 1:27) There are a lot of ways to take this meaning. I grew up understanding that this meant I had an eternal, divine soul. I also believed because of this that all people are inherently good. Then I grew older, actually read the book of Romans, and learned this is not the case. Another way of looking at this verse is that our character reflect the character of God.

It was a novel, in fact controversial, idea when Jesus introduced the Lord’s Prayer with the words “Our Father…” (Mt 6:9) and when he said “I am one who testifies for myself; my other witness is the Father, who sent me.” (Jn 8:18, emphasis added) he was speaking blasphemy. But it is clear from the Gospels that we can look at the God in Heaven as ‘Father’. If we are created in his image, and that means we share his character, then as fathers shouldn’t we look to his example for fatherhood?

There’s a lot in the Bible that we can turn to, and I encourage you to study this out on your own. But I want to call attention to two of Jesus’ parables to grasp a description of the father that I believe is central to fatherhood.

“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Mt 7:9-11)

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.” (From the parable of the Prodigal Son, Lk 15:20b-24)

If you don’t know the story, the Prodigal Son asks for his inheritance early, runs off and blows it all, feels ashamed about it and comes home. This is where I pick up the story.

What these parables have in common is unconditional love. That’s hard as a father. My son is in the “fearful Fours” (though I’ve heard different versions of that first f-word, if you know what I mean). When he’s being especially disobedient and is disciplined, he’s quick to lash out in anger, “I don’t like you!” The first few times he did that it hurt me greatly. But then I understood that he didn’t mean it. I forgave him. He continues to say that from time to time. And each time I tell him that it hurts, but I understand and forgive him.

Isn’t this that attitude that God has towards us? We sin, and sin, and sin. We reject him daily, only turning to him when we’re in trouble. Yet we want everything he has to offer us. So what does God do? He tells us, “I understand. I forgive you. I love you.”

It doesn’t take my son long to get over his anger with me. Just the other night we were butting heads and clashing wills. After some time to cool off he comes up to me and told me, “I always like you.” I was surprised! It wasn’t ten minutes earlier that he told me the opposite! He surprised me again last night when he told me out of the blue, “You’re always my friend.” There’s no better Father’s Day present I could ever get. I pray this is always true.