life

God Made Me Broken

Frank

I’m proud of my son for many reasons: he’s an expert Lego builder, he has deep spiritual insight, he has a heart to serve, and he has nearly photographic memory to just name a few. But a story I love to tell as my badge-of-honor so to speak is the fact that he got expelled from preschool. (I take comfort in the fact the Albert Einstein was expelled from high school)

The reason he was expelled was because he was a biter. A lot of kids are, but you want to make sure you don’t bite the wrong parent’s child. We learned that at that age, biting is an expression of frustration because the young boy or girl cannot yet talk to communicate their wants and needs. That described my son perfectly- he didn’t communicate… for a very long time.

Once enrolled in elementary school, we started him in a speech program. It was several months later during a meeting to review his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) that his speech teacher dropped this bomb.

“He told me ‘God made me broken!'” My jaw dropped. He understood that he was different. He knew he struggled to communicate and that affected his friendships and his performance at school. He knew something was wrong.

As a parent, the temptation is to question what you might have done to cause it. I tore myself up over it. Did I not show him enough love? Did I not roughhouse with him often enough? Did I not take enough time every night before he went to bed to read to him?

Of course while I was busy kicking myself, I forgot that there were physical issues as well- he had torticollis (a strain in the neck that keeps one from turning their head all the way or holding their head up straight) and he had ankyloglossia (was tongue-tied) which required a frenulectomy (to cut the tissue under his tongue). The latter was so bad that he could not completely chew his food and would sometimes choke. Both, obviously, contributed to his late speech.

But he wasn’t a doctor, so how was he supposed to know that this was relatively common? He was my firstborn, so how was I to know I didn’t do something wrong? The stress and struggle we went through as a family during this time felt immeasurable. And it set the stage for later (yes, you’re going to have to come back and read another post).

What did I learn through all of this? I wish I could say something as lofty and noble as “trust God!” but I can’t. I learned a lot about myself, actually. I learned I stress out over my family way too easily. I learned that I really have no idea what I’m doing as a parent. But I also learned that I’m just like everybody else- no one really knows what they’re doing, they just rely on the best information they have, and everyone stresses out about their children.

My son thought he was “made broken” but on the contrary, he was made special. That requires me to listen to him more carefully because he communicates in his own special way. It calls me higher to encourage him more when he gets down over things he cannot control. And if it’s even possible, you might say I love him more.

“As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.‘”
(John 9:1-3)

I also learned that God has a purpose in all of this. I may not yet know what it is (I’m praying for the next Einstein, or as he now likes to say the next Tony Stark) but I know that this is all so that His glory may be revealed.

This also created in me a greater sensitivity to other children and other parents. I cannot judge because I don’t know what they’re going through. I have learned to empathize with families who are down in the dumps who struggle to understand that whatever they are going through is beyond their control, that they do not need to blame themselves.

What kind of struggles have you had as a parent; have you ever felt like you ‘failed’ in some way?

Are there times you struggle because you feel like you don’t understand your son or daughter?

I love how Veggie Tales close out their shows: “Remember kids, God made you special, and he loves you very much!”

This Kind Can Come Out Only With Prayer… And Drugs

Frank

I had a conversation with a woman at a conference a few years ago who was shunned within her church because she suffered from depression and required medication. She was told that her faith was not strong enough and that there must have been some hidden sin that she was refusing to repent of. She was in near-tears as she described how hard it was to even continue in a church fellowship.

Photo credit: Alaina Abplanalp Photography

Although I couldn’t specifically relate, I did know from experience that some things require more than just prayer and fasting to overcome. When I was in campus ministry, there was a brother who was bi-polar (oh how that word means so much more to me now than it did then). He was joyful, serving, and although socially awkward he wasn’t unpleasant to be around… so long as he was on his medications. When he’d go off he would typically disappear for a couple of weeks only to turn up again as if nothing happened. Except one time.

I lived only a couple of blocks away from our campus minister on a fairly busy street. Late one night I was working on homework when I heard outside my window someone cussing and cursing and threatening to kill our campus minister. He called him out by name. I was scared, worried he thought our house was his. Because it was dark outside we couldn’t see who it was or tell from where it was coming from. Turns out it was this brother, off his medication. Thank God nothing happened, but it just goes to show how quickly these conditions can lead to violence.

Another, more tragic incident, occurred when someone chose to stop taking their medications because of how it made this person feel. When off, this person was more outgoing and more joyful, but was almost amped up too much. One Sunday morning we were waiting for this person to show up to help usher, but this person never did. This person passed away in their sleep. (And there is much, much more to tell of this story- but it hits too close to home still, so many years later)

And if those personal anecdotes don’t drive home the point, I strongly encourage you to read this post from Wendy Murray over at Patheos. She has similar stories, similar experiences, but they are her own- a pastor’s wife who relies on medications to get through the day.

Ed Setzer in his terrific post on CNN, notes that churches need to embrace that medications are ok. In fact, I like how he puts is: “we should not be afraid of medicine.” Mental illness is not solely a spiritual affliction and taking medication is not a sign someone is weak. I do believe there are spiritual components to it, but that does not negate the genetic, biological, chemical, and neurological imperfections that measurably exist. “This demon can only be driven out by prayer [and fasting].” (Mark 9:29, HCB) I believe if Jesus were alive today he might add “and strong psychotropic drugs”.

But drugs are not the only answer. A lot of research has gone into the effects of food additives and the body’s positive reaction to natural vitamins and stimulants like vitamin B, omega 3s, and caffeine. (A sampling from my family’s bookshelf: What’s Eating Your Child and Potatoes not Prozac)

Besides nutrition faith, hope and love are also necessary to provide a supportive environment to those suffering from mental illnesses. Talk to any parent having to deal with their child coming down from their ADHD medication at the end of the day and imagine them persevering without love. Relate to any parent fighting their local school districts for accommodations for their child with ASD and wonder how they can do so without faith. And for those suffering, it is impossible for me to understand how anyone can survive these maladies without hope.

Yet despite healthy doses of faith, hope, and love plus counseling, medications, and changes to diet there are still casualties like Matthew Warren. I cannot minimize his loss with a hand-wave of “if Pastor Rick had only done such and such or so and so…” So again I bang my drum: mental illness is real; so how can the church help the many of us who are affected?

Courage to be a Big Mouth

Frank
Chutzpah – supreme self-confidence, boldness, nerve, sometimes an obnoxious aggressiveness

In the eighth chapter of Brennan Manning’s book, The Furious Longing of God titled ‘boldness’, Manning follows up this definition with a couple of examples from the book of Hebrews:

Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (4:16, NASB, emphasis added)

Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which he inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith. (10:19-22, NASB, emphasis added)

Although the Hebrew word ‘huspah‘, from where we get today’s word chutzpah, is not the word used here (the Orthodox Jewish Bible uses the word ‘bitachon‘) these verses do uncover an interesting word in the Greek: parresia. This word shows up a few other times in the New Testament. A sampling:

  • When they saw the courage of Peter and John… –Acts 4:13
  • …enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. –Acts 4:28
  • …were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly. -Acts 4:31
  • …in Christ I could be bold and order you… – Philemon 1:8
  • I have spoken to you with great frankness… -2 Corinthians 7:4
  • In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. –Ephesians 3:12
  • …if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory. –Hebrews 3:6
  • Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. -2 Corinthians 3:12
  • He spoke plainly about this… –Mark 8:32

What is interesting is how most of these verses are about speaking out. Note the last definition of chutzpah above- obnoxious aggressiveness; in other words, having a big mouth.

Do you have a big mouth when it comes to God?

Recently in our recovery ministry someone was sharing about a business opportunity and how unnatural it was to be assertive. (Our group is as much a counseling session, if not more, as it is a sobriety program. Recovering addicts often don’t have the tools to function ‘normally’ and confidently, so we counsel one another on life issues just as much as we help each other with addiction.) This opportunity was everything this brother had been praying for, but there was still this nagging feeling that there was a catch.

For many of us, being assertive- having chutzpah- just doesn’t come naturally. In some church environments we are even made to feel guilty for not being “bold”. We want to speak up, but there always seems to be an underlying fear- that there is a catch, that we won’t be accepted, that maybe we just aren’t good enough.

Remember Moses’ whining (yes, I said whining) about not being able to speak? He lacked chutzpah.

Now me saying, “be bold!” isn’t likely to change your character. In fact, this is something I continue to pray about regularly because I struggle with it as well. But there is a biblical basis for such a change in attitude: “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

Brennan Manning closes his chapter by asking, “What do you want? Today, right now? Boldly ask.” This is a hard challenge for me. Is it for you?

Consider this:

If Jesus were to ask you, right now- what do you want?- what would you say? Seriously, what would your answer be?

Bartimaeus had to drop his security blanket. What represents security for you? How is Jesus asking you to drop it?

This post continues discussion on Brennan Manning’s book, The Furious Longing of God. Please check out Jason Sasyzsen’s and Sarah Salter’s blogs for more discussion. The “consider this” questions come straight from the book- use them as a springboard for your own thoughts and feel free to share them here.

Sick, Leave!

Frank

Being out sick for a week gave me a lot of time to think. But since I was sleeping most of the time, I don’t remember much of it, lol, so instead you get my thoughts looking back.

(photo credit: Jason Porter)


Rest is the best medicine

I once heard someone say, “be sure to take the Sabbath or the Sabbath will take you.” He then went on to describe how we burn ourselves out by filling our weekends, our times off, with being busy. We call sports tournaments and kids’ activities as “recreation”, but neither allow us much rest. We fill our Sundays with church meetings, classes, and even more busyness and then wonder why we’re so tired Monday morning when we return to the grind.

“The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” (Mark 2:27)

I approached being sick the same way. I could tell I was coming down with something when I started feeling lethargic. Once it got to the point it was affecting my work, I decided to take a day off. I slept in, and then made myself busy the rest of the day catching up on errands around town and chores around the house. I shouldn’t have been surprised when less than a week later, I was laid up in bed, only getting up to help my kids get ready for school. I was restless and felt like I needed to do something, but staying in bed all day is what I needed most.

Treat the disease, not the symptom

I finally went in to the doctor when I started struggling to breathe. I don’t like going to the doctor because treating whatever ails is a crapshoot. Last week about half of my vanpool missed work. We all showed the same symptoms yet we each received different diagnoses and different prescriptions. Mine was for high-powered cough syrup (aka Codeine) and after taking it the first day my cough went away but my stuffy head and sore throat got worse.

The same is true in life and spirituality. We try and fight off a particular sin but neglect the root cause behind it. We confess being irritable with our spouse but deny just how stressed out we are at work (to take my most common example). We read self-help books, watch Oprah, and fill our heads with means of treating symptoms but we can only find healing when we hand over our disease to the Great Physician, Jesus.

“[T]he power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick… When Jesus saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven… Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins…” He said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.‘” (Luke 5:17b,20,23-24)

Feed a cold, but don’t starve spiritually

While I was sick I didn’t go online, I didn’t read, I seldom prayed (beyond the regular “please, God, make this go away!”). I was starving myself spiritually. But I did get out to church and my church’s Super Bowl party. Just that brief fellowship renewed my [spiritual] strength enough to bring me back to my relationship with God. I didn’t read entire books; and I regretted that the whole time, “I have all this time, I should knock out a couple books!” But I fed just on just enough of the Word to sustain me.

Once I was feeling well enough to be up and about I was starving! I dug into my Bible, I caught up on blogs, I caught up on several books. I almost had to be pried away from my study- it felt so good and it had been so long! And that hunger extended to my prayers, I have prayed like I haven’t in a long time ever since I got better.

“O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” (Psalm 63:1)

Follow the Doctor’s orders

Although medicine may not be an exact science, the general advice of a doctor is still worth following. When he or she says to rest, I need to listen and rest. But this advice extends beyond this particular episode of being sick. Do we heed doctor’s warnings about our diet and encouragement to exercise? Are we willing to make the lifestyle changes necessary to stay healthy?

Again, this applies spiritually as well. We have our doctor’s orders summed up in a single big book. Do we read it? Do we do what it says? Self-diagnose yourself about your sin. How do you treat it? Do you run from it? Do you confess it? Do you cut off what leads you to it? Are you following the doctor’s orders?

“So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha’s house. Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, ‘Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.’ But Naaman went away angry and said, ‘I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?’ So he turned and went off in a rage.” (2 Kings 5:9-12)

Get well so you can take care of others

Illness is often contagious so naturally, as soon as I started to feel better my son started to come down with the same thing. It is hitting him harder however, requiring both my wife and I to remain as healthy as we can be so that we can take care of him. In fact last night I was up with him four different times. If I was too sick to get up, what then?

Spiritually-speaking, how can we expect to serve others when we are either so sick with sin ourselves or if we are starving from spiritual malnourishment?

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1)

_____

Our bodies are a temple for the Holy Spirit. So it follows that lessons from physical ailments can be applied to our spiritual condition as well. We need to seek out the Great Physician and listen to his advice. We need regular checkups. And we need to know when we are so sick we need a stronger dose of medicine. I’m not perfectly healthy- I won’t be, I can’t be, until I receive a new body. So I need to take care of it the best I can.

I’m Worn

Frank

After having been knocked out sick for the past week or so, this is a good song to describe how I feel. Plus, it’s a pretty good song for a Monday.

One (of many) thing I love about Tenth Avenue North is that they don’t just post their videos, but they also post a “behind the music” video for many of their songs. A bonus-feature commentary if you will:

The Conclusion of the Matter

Frank

I’m not a very good closer. Whenever I write reports for work I always get stuck at the conclusion. Even my blog posts will often ramble on for one or two paragraphs too many because I don’t know how to finish my thoughts. I can’t even imagine trying to conclude and summarize the themes of a book.

This is the last week we’re discussing A.W. Tozer’s The Pursuit of God and concluding with his chapter, The Sacrament of Living. It is a lofty goal to even begin to describe the holiness of God and then to follow up with practical application to pursue that holiness in our own unique spiritual walks. So I have to admit I was expecting this last chapter to summarize the rest of the book and leave me, the reader, with marching orders to go forward in my own pursuit of God.

Just looking at the chapter titles, you can tell Tozer is building his case: Following Hard After God, The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing, Removing the Veil, Apprehending God, The Universal Presence, The Speaking Voice, The Gaze of the Soul, Restoring the Creator-creature Relation, Meekness and Rest, and finally The Sacrament of Living.

I often state that Romans 12 gives most comprehensive description of Christian living in the Bible- talking about sanctification, humility, applying our spiritual gifts, generosity, and forgiveness. But that chapter doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It begins “Therefore…” The lifestyle Paul describes in Romans 12 requires Romans chapters 1-11. “Therefore, in view of God’s mercy…” There it is, our Christianity needs to be motivated by God’s character and what he has done on our behalf. “Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer yourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.” (Romans 12:1) Paul could have stopped there.

So how does Tozer conclude his premise of the pursuit of God? What does he write after his “therefore”?

“the sacramental quality of every day living.” (pg 90)

Like I said, I was expecting some lofty conclusion, some kind of new wisdom that I could apply to my own spirituality. Yet I should not have been surprised that Tozer came to the same conclusion as Paul (and Solomon for that matter): that our lives, our everyday lives, should be lived for the glory of God. That is how you pursue God, by seeking to glorify him in all things no matter how big or small, how routine or extraordinary, how mundane or exciting. A fitting end for this blog as well, whose overall theme is that of living out our faith in the day-to-day.

“We must practice living to the glory of God, actually and determinedly.” (pg 87)

Tozer closes with this prayer:


Lord, I would trust thee completely; I would be altogether Thine; I would exalt Thee above all. I desire that I may feel no sense of possessing anything outside of Thee. I want constantly to be aware of Thy overshadowing Presence and to hear Thy speaking Voice. I long to live in restful sincerity of heart. I want to live so fully in the Spirit that all my thought may be as sweet incense ascending to Thee and every act of my life may be an act of worship. Therefore I pray in the words of Thy great servant of old, ‘I beseech Thee so far to cleanse the intent of mine heart with the unspeakable gift of Thy grace, that I may perfectly love Thee and worthily praise Thee.’ And all this I confidently believe Thou wilt grant me through the merits of Jesus Christ Thy Son. Amen.

This blog is part of a book club reading The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. Please join the discussion here and at our hosts, Jason Stasyszen and Sarah Salter. Need a copy of the book? You can get it for free on Kindle.

Take My World for Granted

Frank

I had my iTunes playlist on random Saturday and some of the songs took me back. One, in particular, caused me to stop my housework in its tracks. Jars of Clay, “Worlds Apart”. Like many nostalgic songs, one reminded me of another. Toad the Wet Sprocket, “I Will Not Take These Things for Granted”. Not necessarily the same thematically, but musically they blend well. Listen to both. Turn up the volume. And just close your eyes. When I do that, what do I see? I see a boy alone in his college dorm trying to figure life out. Then, I found meaning in song. Later I would find meaning in something greater.

Hero

Frank

If you were to write your autobiography would it be thriller or a comedy? If you were the center of your own story, would not every hurt and every wrong would paint you as the victim? Who would be the supporting cast? What role would they play: encourager, enabler, persecutor? In the climactic finale, who would be the hero?

The truth is, if it were up to us we’d be the heroes of our own story. After all, the story is all about us, right?

But we’ve come to learn the story isn’t really all about us, is it? So then, who’s the hero?

The world is in need of a hero. Is it the hero to save us? The hero that is ordinary? The hero of the day? Or is it the hero who was famous for nothing?

(I forgot how much I love that Metallica video. It shows just how desperate the world is for a hero.)

Ten Years Gone

Frank

Ten years ago I packed up everything and headed into the great unknown. Fresh out of college (roughly; I was waiting tables at Bennigan’s for almost a year) I was moving to a place I had only read about before to begin my career.

In that time, I have logged more than 20,000 hours at my desk, in meetings or on the road to support my work. I have commuted 200,000 miles and spent 3,750 hours doing so.

In contrast, in the same amount of time I have spent 1040 hours sitting in church on Sunday mornings, driving 7280 miles back and forth from my home. If I add board meetings, leadership meetings, and other ministry activities I could triple these numbers and still fall well short of the time I have devoted to my job.

Assuming I had an hour quiet time every day in that span (regrettably, not a safe assumption), that is still only 3650 hours spent in prayer and Bible study. Still not close to those 20,000 hours.

So based on these numbers alone, can you tell what my priority in life is?

That is why it is so important to live out our faith in every corner of our lives. We cannot limit our Christianity to time spent in the pew on Sunday mornings because that is wholly inadequate. But not only must we be active in our faith while punching the clock, we must also ask the hard question whether our jobs themselves bring glory to God.

And after ten years, given the numbers above, I wrestle over that question every day.

“…whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

“Be very careful then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” (Ephesians 5:15-17)

Counting the Cost (of college)

Frank

I haven’t had the chance to get online much lately, so I’ve been checking other blogs and news remotely on the run. Yesterday, these three articles were literally lined up in my Google Reader, so I figured that’s too much of a coincidence to pass up. It’s odd to see this much coverage right now. College application deadlines aren’t for another couple of months and it’s been a couple of months since the annual “best of” lists for colleges were released. So maybe they’re filling a slow news day. Anyway, all three articles tackle student load debt and the cost of college. If you’re in that stage in life or have children approaching that milestone decision, these are worth reading: